Wednesday, 14 July 2010


The Story So Far...

During a routine medical check, they discovered that my blood pressure was too high. I pointed out that to the nurses they shouldn't have been squeezing my veins so hard with that thing they wrap round your arm and pump full of air, but they weren't convinced. They extracted some blood, which you might have thought would help ease the pressure, but it didn't do any good. Eventually they decided I should see a doctor.

At the Doctors

Doctor: Says nothing, but looks expectantly at his patient.

BOV: They say I've got to see you about my high blood pressure.

Doctor: checking his patient's blood pressure: Hmmm. 160/88.

BOV: Waits.

Doctor: Yes. Yes. Well, that is rather high. Why is that?

BOV: You're the doctor.

Doctor: Yes. Yes. Hmmm. It was okay in 1998.

BOV: They say that I'm drinking too much and that I'm not getting enough exercise.

Doctor: What do you drink?

BOV: Alcohol.

Doctor: No, I mean, beer?

BOV: Beer, wine whisky, anything really.

Doctor: Anything you can get your hands on?

BOV: No, I didn't mean... I'm not an alcoholic.

Doctor: Hmm.

BOV: Look. I'm worried that I'm on the verge of death. I'm sure I'm about to have a heart attack.

Doctor: Yes. Yes. I can see that you are.

BOV: Clutches his chest and stops breathing.

Doctor: I mean, I can see that you're worried. You needn't be, you know. Clicks on the computer. Your risk profile isn't that high. Though they're underestimating your blood pressure. Clicks again. Is there any history of heart disease in your family?

BOV: They all died of heart attacks in their 50s.

Doctor: Oh dear. Yes, that's not good. It raises your risk by 50%. Clicks again. Yes. Yes. Here, you see? You've got about a 15% chance of having a heart attack in the next ten years.

BOV: 15 Percent??? That's the same as a turn of Russian roulette!

Doctor: I'm not sure what a bullet in your brain does to your risk profile. Clicks. Well, cut down on your drinking and come back in three months. If it's still too high we'll give you a pill.

So, I've swapped the demon drink for sparkling water laced with lemon juice. My body is responding to the lack of alcohol by making my sleep patterns even worse than usual. However, I'm still alive, which is something, and instead of worrying about my heart I'm now trying to find out what an overdose of citric acid does to you.


Jean Knee said...

can't you drink some tea. I mean you are british and all.

water with lemon sounds too sad.

oh yeah, glad you're okay

for a different kind of girl said...

This is why I haven't been to a proper doctor in quite awhile, or an improper one, come to think of it. I'm with Jean Knee. I thought tea just came standard over there.

Brian o vretanos said...

I suspect that tea is a dying tradition, thanks to Starbucks. I never really liked it anyway.

The lemon drink is very moreish - I only hope that the supermarkets can supply enough lemons to keep me going...

Bee said...

OD on citric acid can be just as bad. It's called GERD
Gastro Esophageal Reflux Disorder which I also have but I have been able to manage it by adjusting what I eat and drink which also helps with my BP. Ahhhh it's fun getting old!

Brian o vretanos said...

I've had reflux problems for years, and they've gone away now that I've cut down on the alcohol.

Super Happy Girl said...

"I'm not sure what a bullet in your brain does to your risk profile" Everyone is a comedian.

You should really wear more clothes when going to the doctor Brian.

Dang, I hate getting old. Takes all the fun out of doing things.

Craig Taylor said...

Getting the blood makes the blood pressure low? now thats funny.

If she just have blood pressure gauge maybe she could have proven it.