It occurred to me, as I went for my 15-mile run (to wind down after a strenuous workout at the gym), that the British Olympic Selectors had let the country down badly be not picking me to compete in the decathlon. Still, when the next one comes, I will be at my peak physically and mentally...
Don't worry, I'm not on anything - I've not even started drinking yet. I know you're used to being able to take my blog as gospel truth, but the above paragraph is of course completely made up and false, apart from the bit about them not selecting me. Unless they decide to make sloth an Olympic sport, I'm not likely to get picked either, and even then I suspect I wouldn't be a world champion at it. Those people who sit around and get so fat that they have to get people to knock down walls and winch them around if they need to go anywhere would be getting all the medals. If they could work out how to get them to the stadium.
Thousands of years ago, the Ancient Greeks had a big competition. They used to gather every four years, strip naked, cover themselves in olive oil, and participate in sports such as running marathons, throwing the discus, and wrestling (the olive oil was particularly useful, making it harder for your opponent to rip sensitive parts of your anatomy off, or gouge your eyes out).
The whole thing probably looked ridiculous, and so it didn't really catch on anywhere else. Until a couple of thousand years later, people decided it had actually been rather a good idea, and decided to revive it. Luckily, they'd invented shorts by then.
Anyway, I'm sure that the whole spirit of competition and stuff is great, but personally, sport isn't my thing, so I won't be participating in the great viewing marathon. Although, in addition to their athletes, Cyprus has sent this chap to Peking:
He's one of their champion pianists, and he will be playing at a concert during the Olympics. I suspect, however, that they won't interrupt the swimming and basket ball for live coverage of the piano playing.
Talking of live coverage, my favourite TV channel has had to stop broadcasting on the internet for the duration of the games, due to legal issues. They will apparently still be on between 6 and 7.15 my time so I can get my usual fix of the news, but yesterday they didn't remember to turn the streaming on until half-way through.
Another non-participant is my favourite newsreader, who in addition to having weekends and public holidays off, also appears to get leave, presumably for her summer holidays. Not that the other newsreaders aren't perfectly good at their jobs, it's just not the same.
In order that the athletes are able to breathe in Peking, they've closed down all sorts of industry, so a lot of the people presumably aren't working. I hope they still pay them.
Oh well, in a couple of weeks it will all be over, and everything and everyone can start working again...