Cookery Corner

Haricots Verts en Casserole

Inspired by all the talk about Green Bean Casserole on Bee's blog, I decided to try it for myself. Especially since even I can just about follow a recipe that involves emptying some tins into a casserole dish. This meant hunting far and wide for some green beans, of course, but eventually Helena and I managed to track some down.

We were less successful at finding french-fried onions, and had to make do with ordinary fried onions instead. Otherwise the Campbell's recipe was followed pretty much to the letter, though since it's all in American units I just guessed the quantities.

It also took longer to heat up than the recipe had predicted, so perhaps I didn't get the American temperatures right either.

When it was done it looked nothing like any of the pictures I could find on the web - I've got a feeling that I should have used more beans, less milk and that using the wrong onions also made it mushier.

I was warned that a lot of people don't like GBC, and I'm not that keen on mushrooms. By the time it came out we would have eaten anything, we were both so hungry. But actually, it was very nice, and there was none left over. Helena even asked if I could make it again next weekend.

If the country's green bean supplies hold up...

Bonfire Night

Remember, Remember

So, it's Bonfire Night again. As I'm writing this, the air outside is hazy and smells of explosives. All evening there have been bangs and whistles - if you were in a less stable country, you'd think there was a war going on.

I've never lit anything more powerful than a sparkler, and of course these days we're discouraged on health and saftey grounds from even doing that. In any case, I'm not sure how people manage these days without milk bottles...

My sister, her husband and her father-in-law have a shop near to where I live. They sell fireworks at this time of year, and what they don't sell her father-in-law uses for a late display, along with some more "professional" pyrotechnics that he gets from his supplier, but isn't allowed to sell to the punters. I'm talking about the sort of thing that you're expected to set off using some kind of electronic detonator. When you're taking cover half a mile away. I haven't been to one of his displays for years, but the image of him lighting these things in his back garden with his cigarette and then legging it is something you don't easily forget. The spectators also had to run when rockets didn't go in the expected direction. Luckily his house is several hundred yards away from the nearest neighbour.

These days, I'm content to watch other people dicing with death from the comfort of my home. Helena and I spent a few evenings photographing them - the results of which are in the picture above.

I wonder whether they'll still be letting of fireworks in another 402 years? And if they are, whether they'll remember anything about why?

Mighty Mouse

Scientists have announced that they have accidentally created a breed of "super-mice" that live longer, have more active sex-lives, and can eat and eat without putting on weight. They are also fantastic athletes. The gene that they altered is found in humans as well, suggesting that they could just as easily make "super-men".

The first thing that I wondered on reading this was why they always have to make these genetic modifications to embryos - why can't they retrofit us with this? But then, would I reall want this?

What point would a more active sex drive be if you don't have an equally active (or indeed any) partner? Even if you did, you still have to go to work, and make time to cycle up the Alps on a regular basis (see below).

The mice are very active generally. This means that they need more exercise. With my lifestyle I don't get enough for my unmodified body, so this wouldn't be very useful. Apparently a human with this mod would be able to cycle up an Alpine mountain without a break. Great if that's what you want to do, especially if you live in the Alps. Not very useful if you're somewhere a bit flatter.

I could eat loads and not put on weight, but this probably requires you to do the Alpine mountain ride every day - these mice are running non-stop for five hours (6km) at a time.

But surely I'd want the longer life? Well, would I really want to prolong such a frustrating and hyperactive existance? I'm not so sure.

There's a less selfish view of this - We're living on a planet with too many people and not enough food. Surely a better modification would be to make us eat less, have a shorter lifespan, and procreate less?

Meanwhile the mice will make great pets - they won't die as often and their hyperactivity will keep the kids amused for longer. Though if they ever escape, you'll never be able to catch them...

The Gift that Keeps on Giving...

Okay, I'm a bit behind as usual, but I noticed when I was in town yesterday all of the Christmas stuff in the shops. As far as I'm concerned it's still about a month too early, but as a service to my readers I am presenting my Gift Guide - Men: what to get the women in your life, and Women: what to ask your husband for.

• Gonorrhoea - Also available: Syphillis, Black Death, and Mad Cow Disease, the last one being ideal for the mother in law, especially at only £4 a throw ($8).

• Beware of Geeks bearing gifts - If you're a geek who's actually managed to get yourself a girlfriend, then buying her a USB drive is a sure way to lose her. Whatever shape it is.

• Body Mouse - This is a bit of a cheat, since it isn't actually available, for this coming Christmas at least, but it's so, erm, unusual that I had to include it.

• Padded Coat Hangers - Stylish and useful. If someone buys you these then it's time to start looking at finding a good old folk's home - either for them or for you.

• The items on this page - Any woman would love to wear those Candy G-Strings whilst cavorting on the Peekaboo Poledancing Pole... The other thing I love about this page is the fact that the gift of sponsoring a goat for a third world country is appropriately placed next to the Free-Range Argentinian Cow Hide Rug.

And Finally: For those of you who have a seventh wedding anniversary coming up, apparently this gift is ideal...

Happy Shopping!

Girl Friday: Victoria de Los Angeles

I've decided to devote Fridays to talking about people whose work I like, or who I think are otherwise interesting.

Victoria de Los Angeles (Born Victòria Gómez Cima in Barcelona 1923, died there in 2005) was a Spanish Mezzo-Soprano. She is known, among other things, for her famous recordings of operas by Puccini, Bizet and Rossini, and later in her life traditional Spanish songs.

She is Rosina in the 1962 recording of Rossini's "The Barber of Seville", which for me is a dream recording - all of the singers are perfect in their roles. Opera stories are like any other plot - all sex and violence. Well, this one doesn't have too much violence... Rosina is the heroine - kept isolated from the world by her guardian who hopes to marry her when she comes of age, but in love with a young Count. She is supposedly an innocent girl, but underneath she is strong-willed and determined to get what she wants:

Io sono docile,
son rispettosa,
...
Ma se mi toccano
dov'e il mio debole,
saro una vipera, saro.
e cento trappole
prima di cedere faro giocar.

"I am docile, respectful ... But If I'm crossed in love I'll be like a viper, and 'll play a hundred tricks before I give in". Naturally by the end, she manages to defy her guardian and marry the Count.

Rosina has been sung be a lot of sopranos, but it was really meant for a mezzo, who can be more expressive and seductive, And Victoria de Los Angeles' voice is seriously seductive.

Her sexy mezzo is also perfect for Carmen. The opera was written by Bizet (a Frenchman), but is all about Spain, so perhaps that's why my two favourite Carmens are both Spanish - the other one being Conchita Supervia.

She continued to perform well into her 70s. Her voice was special in that it was both beautiful and full of character - something very rare.

You Can't Take It With You...

Yesterday's "To Vima" newspaper had an article about Forbes' annual list of dead millionaires. These are people who have managed to earn more dead in the last year than we mere mortals are likely to make in a lifetime.

At first sight this doesn't seem quite fair, but then most of us have worked with someone who might as well be dead for all they appear to contribute to their employer (and some who would do less damage). In fact, there was a story a few years ago about an office worker who died at his desk, and it was several working days before anyone noticed, and probably only then because it was his turn to buy the milk.

Some people on the list would perhaps have made a lot less had they still been around. For example, Elvis, John Lennon and Marilyn Monroe (first, second and ninth on the list) might have been penniless has-beens had they not been cut off in their prime (all right, a bit past it in all three cases).

Elvis raked in $49m last year. I know some of you will disagree, but I'm not sure we're getting value for money. There are two deceased millionaires, though, who I think are definitely still making an honest "living". These are Number 5, Albert Einstein, who earned $18 million in the last 12 months, and Number 7, Doctor Seuss ($9m). Both of these men have of course made lasting contributions to humanity.

"Relativity" and "Ten Apples Up on Top!". Albert and Theo: If you are reading this, I'd advise you to ask for a raise...