Okay, I'm a bit behind as usual, but I noticed when I was in town yesterday all of the Christmas stuff in the shops. As far as I'm concerned it's still about a month too early, but as a service to my readers I am presenting my Gift Guide - Men: what to get the women in your life, and Women: what to ask your husband for.
- Gonorrhoea - Also available: Syphillis, Black Death, and Mad Cow Disease, the last one being ideal for the mother in law, especially at only £4 a throw ($8).
- Beware of Geeks bearing gifts - If you're a geek who's actually managed to get yourself a girlfriend, then buying her a USB drive is a sure way to lose her. Whatever shape it is.
- Body Mouse - This is a bit of a cheat, since it isn't actually available, for this coming Christmas at least, but it's so, erm, unusual that I had to include it.
- Padded Coat Hangers - Stylish and useful. If someone buys you these then it's time to start looking at finding a good old folk's home - either for them or for you.
- The items on this page - Any woman would love to wear those Candy G-Strings whilst cavorting on the Peekaboo Poledancing Pole... The other thing I love about this page is the fact that the gift of sponsoring a goat for a third world country is appropriately placed next to the Free-Range Argentinian Cow Hide Rug.