Saturday, 3 November 2007

The Gift that Keeps on Giving...

Okay, I'm a bit behind as usual, but I noticed when I was in town yesterday all of the Christmas stuff in the shops. As far as I'm concerned it's still about a month too early, but as a service to my readers I am presenting my Gift Guide - Men: what to get the women in your life, and Women: what to ask your husband for.
  • Gonorrhoea - Also available: Syphillis, Black Death, and Mad Cow Disease, the last one being ideal for the mother in law, especially at only £4 a throw ($8).
  • Beware of Geeks bearing gifts - If you're a geek who's actually managed to get yourself a girlfriend, then buying her a USB drive is a sure way to lose her. Whatever shape it is.
  • Body Mouse - This is a bit of a cheat, since it isn't actually available, for this coming Christmas at least, but it's so, erm, unusual that I had to include it.
  • Padded Coat Hangers - Stylish and useful. If someone buys you these then it's time to start looking at finding a good old folk's home - either for them or for you.
  • The items on this page - Any woman would love to wear those Candy G-Strings whilst cavorting on the Peekaboo Poledancing Pole... The other thing I love about this page is the fact that the gift of sponsoring a goat for a third world country is appropriately placed next to the Free-Range Argentinian Cow Hide Rug.
And Finally: For those of you who have a seventh wedding anniversary coming up, apparently this gift is ideal...

Happy Shopping!


Bee said...

I asked Andy about the boob mouse and he actually said he didn't want it! But then of course maybe he thought that was the answer I was looking for...?

Anyway the other mouse is gross!

My fave on the page fro women is this. I'm sure it won't surprise you. ;op

Brian o Vretanos said...

Boob mouse:

I don't think I'd want it either, to be honest...

Voodoo Knife Block:

Yes, you would ;-) Would it represent anyone in particular?

Bee said...

Whatever man happens to cross me that day! ;op

Magdalene said...

This post has also given me the desire to buy everybody on my family the padded coathangers and watch gleefully while they try to come up with something polite to say about them. They have to be the most terrible gift ever!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Magdalene: That sounds like an excellent idea - I wonder how many of these they actually sell - you might end up buying all their stock!