"Brian o vretanos"

A parcel arrived for me today. It wasn't like the parcels I usually recieve from the Mediterranean containing books. This one was decorated with a picture of Green Bean Casserole, and the sender had put some polka dots on it.

So it was with some trepidation that I opened the parcel. I wondered if I should call the bomb squad, but decided to be brave (or reckless?)

Anyway, it contained... a stapler, which I have installed next to my other one as you can see.

The statue is called "Brian o vretanos", although the face needs to be put on. My printer doesn't do photos very well, so I've done this electronically.

I think this is the most thoughtful and unique present I've ever had. Thankyou, Jean Knee!

The stapler even works...

Wonder Pills

I couldn't ignore this story. The Israeli Air Force is looking into the possibility of giving its jet pilots viagra to help lessen the effects of altitude. In other words, to keep them up longer.

Apparently in tests, mountaineers said it worked for them - they don't get so light-headed when they get to the summit. Doctors will now presumably be inundated with patients who claim to have taken up extreme sports and need a prescription.

All of this is great if you climb mountains or fly jets, but those of us who spend all day at lower altitutes sitting at a computer could do with some wonder pills too:

• Monday Morning Sickness Tablets: So that the week can at least start on a positive note.

• Corporate Anti Inflammatory Drugs: To be taken as required with emails and newsletters containing corporate and management bullshit.

• IT Painkillers: Hallucinogenics to make IT downtime pass more enjoyably.

• Silent Sleeping Tablets: To stop you snoring when you doze off during meetings (or any other time for that matter)

• Bat Anti-Flatulents: See Bee's blog for further details.
  

• Viagra: They should at least try it and see what happens. It might increase productivity.

Some people believe they have already found a wonder cure to many of the above ailments. Namely, blogging...

A Successful Disaster

I was browsing through HMV the other day, seeing what special offers they had, and came home with the box set of "Airport" (1969), "Airport 1975", "Airport 1977" and "Airport 1979" (only £15). I've never seen any of these films. I've seen some of the imitations and spoofs, but never these films. I've always imagined they wouldn't be very good.

So the other night I watched the first one. I was very pleasantly surprised. Unlike, say, "The Poseidon Adventure" or "Towering Inferno", there's a lot of (intentional) fun - the old biddy who's pretty much a professional stowaway, for example. And it was nice to see Myrna Loy and Jessie Royce Landis.

The disaster is caused by a man trying to pull off an insurance fraud. He takes out life insurance then gets on a transatlantic flight carrying a bomb, intent on detonating it once they're over the water.



He is spotted by an eagle-eyed customs official, but by the time they find out he's just bought insurance, the plane is in the air. However, they get the insurance company to void the policy, and tell the desperate man that, but he blows himself up anyway, taking the toilet with him.

Since the idea of a plane load of people on an 8 hour flight with no toilet doesn't appeal, not to mention the problems caused by having a large hole in the fuselage, they decide they'd better make an emergency landing back where they started (Chicago). But, just for a change, it's snowing there and in addition they've got a plane stuck on the runway.

The would-be suicide frauster could have saved everyone a lot of trouble if he'd seen "Double Indemnity" - he could have just thrown himself off a train. But presumably he couldn't afford to go to the cinema because he was saving all his money for a plane ticket.

He got the explosives for his bomb from his last job on a building site. You'd have thought that the easiest thing of all would have been to stage some kind of industrial "accident", but unfortunately he couldn't stick any job long enough to manage that.

One interesting thing I noticed was how little flying appeared to have changed in the last 40 or so years. Other than airport security, of course. Hopefully someone with a briefcase full of dynamite would get stopped sooner...

A Day to Remember

[Copyright: Charles Roberts/Online Transport Archive]

Norman Wisdom: 1915

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George A Romero: 1940

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A Zombie

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Dan Quayle: 1947

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Alice Cooper: 1948

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Gabrielle Anwar: 1970

All (with the possible exception of the zombie) were born on the 4th February. They look a bit of a motley crowd, I admit. I hadn't heard of Gabrielle Anwar, but I suppose she's proof that we're not all bad looking.

Election Fatigue

Like most people, I'm getting a little bit tired of all the Presidential Election stuff. It seems to have been going on now forever, and in recent weeks it's not been possible to avoid it.

We manage to avoid this kind of pain in the UK, because election terms aren't fixed, so you tend to get a few weeks notice. Everyone turns off their TVs and stops buying newspapers, and in next to no time they've decided which of the loonies is going to run the asylum and we all get back to our daily lives.

It's different when you have these fixed presidential terms. They can start planning, commenting, speculating, years in advance. Not being a political person, I've avoid letting all this pollute my blog, but I thought I should have a go at this pundit thing.

Commenting about another country's politics is a dangerous business. I could offend someone. With that aim in mind, I thought I'd give my worthless opinion on a topic that I don't really know that much about. It's always far easier to come up with crude generalisations from a state of ignorance.

So, here goes:

Brian's Guide to the Presidential Race

I wanted to start by giving my prediction for who will win, but I forgot to ask Jean Knee. The main contenders are pretty much level pegging in the polls, and I couldn't find a swingometer in any of the DIY stores.

The Middle Ground

Name: Tassos Papadopoulos.
Current occupation: President of Cyprus.
Details: Okay, it's true that he's had five years and hasn't solved the Cyprus Problem, but re-elect him and he will this time. Supports a bizonal, bi-ethnic federation. Unlike the other candidates, his solution won't lead to the island being divided.

The Worker's Friend

Name: Dimitris Christofias
Current Occupation: President of the Cyprus Parliament
Details: Former ally of Tassos, he's appalled at the mismanagement and broken promises of the last five years. And he's not responsible for any of it. Supports a bizonal, bi-ethnic federation. Unlike the other candidates, his solution won't lead to the island being divided. Oh, and don't mention the word "Communist", Comrade.

The European

Name: Ioannis Kasoulides
Current Occupation: Euro-MP
Details: Was foreign minister in a previous government. Centre right candidate. A former doctor, he recently interrupted a speech to administer first aid to one of the audience. Supports a bizonal, bi-ethnic federation. Unlike the other candidates, his solution won't lead to the island being divided.

The Others

There are several other candidates, including a guy in a tracksuit and a bandana, that unfortunately I couldn't find a picture of. There's also a candidate using the "Guinness Book of Records" logo as his official symbol. Apparently he's allowed to because he's named in the book. I'm not sure what he did, but it's not going to get him elected. All these others account for a couple of percent in the polls.

Good News

There's lots of good news. All the candidates are going to solve the Cyprus Problem, and their solution is the best.

But the really good news is that it'll all be over in a few weeks - the first round is Feb 17, and the second Feb 24. Unlike in America where there's almost a year to go.

New Look

If I'd had access to a psychotic fortune teller 13 or so months ago, and she had told me that I'd have a blog, and that I'd do 100 posts, and that my 100th post would be a picture of Al Gore after he rushed to his stylist with a picture of Aimilia Kenevezou and said "Yeah, that's what I want - I've heard it's going to be the lastest fashion". If someone had told me that, I wonder whether I'd have bought the computer after all.

Of course I would. In fact if someone had told me even earlier, I'd have bought it sooner...

Say I am Not

Chris's post reminded me of the record cover thing. I had tried it before and got something very uninspiring, so I had another go today (I know, that's cheating) and got a much better one:


The music itself combines Heavy Rock Bebop Rap with Techno/Folk, and is set to be the first major hit of 2008.

You saw it here first.