Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Wordy Wednesday Imagining a Winner Dinner

My Weekend

At the weekend Helena and I went to McDonalds, where I tried a new burger. It was surprisingly better than a Big Mac, and I'm glad that I've now found something vaguely edible to have when we go there.

The end.

This isn't very wordy, so instead I've decided to write it in the style of a certain famous British film director:

Winner's Weekend

I'd been meaning to visit this particular branch of McDonald's for some time, as my friend BOV has been pestering me for a review. Purely by chance I happened to notice that the route taken by Sly Stallone's private jet, which he'd lent me so that I could get from Cannes to a delightful dinner party at Hertfordshire, would pass within a few miles of the place.

So whilst the pilot made a refuelling stop at the local airport, I spotted that Martin Lord, owner of a delightful winery in the area, happened to be there with his helicopter, and cadged a lift to McDonalds. The pilot wasn't happy landing in the car park, but I explained that this was an emergency, and that this counted as a starvation relief flight.

The decor has changed recently - pastel coloured furniture and decorative murals make the establishment look more upper class than the old plastic primary colours ever did. There was a brief difficulty when they refused to move a family who were sitting at the only well-located table in the place, so I had to tell the mother myself to take her husband and their screaming brats somewhere else.

On my way past, I stopped at another table to steal a bite of the famous filet o' fish. Sadly it met my expectation, with the exception of the capers in the tartar sauce, which to my great surprise were of particularly high quality.

The staff were very helpful, though they didn't seem to be able to locate a wine list, or the sommellier. So I got on the blower to Martin and he very kindly got the helicopter to fetch me a bottle of his 1997 Cabernet.

Meanwhile Charmaine, the delightful manageress of the establishment brought me my "M" burger. Unlike normal McDonald's food this is made with real meat, and real cheese, and the sauces are somewhat less overwhelming. It wasn't quite up to the standards of the Savoy Grill, but it was passable as a quick snack for hungry jetset directors, especially when washed down by two bottles of Cabernet (I had to send out for a second one), and I can recommend it.

Next time, though, I'll phone ahead so they can boot all of the riff-raff out. There were so many normal people in the place that I almost had to have a third bottle of Cabernet to steady my nerves.

The great thing about the whole fast food experience is that within 30 minutes of Sly's jet landing, we were back on our way to Hertfordshire, where the evening was ruined by my host's terrible faux pas of letting the port breathe for 15 minutes too long. But that's an article for another day.

NOTE: I'm away this week, so don't be surprised if I don't post any comments over the next few days...


Tracy said...

Am I really first??

Well, FIRST!!!!

Tracy said...

See, Brian, that's where I'm supposed to be, in first place NOT last. Maybe you'll learn that soon. You better cause I have a little something special planned if you don't.:)
Does the McDonalds food really look like that over there? Cause over here it kind of looks like it was already chewed up and then spit back out on the paper for you.
If that is the way the food looks there, I might have to hop on my own private jet (yes, that's right, here at Rambling Acres we don't have to borrow anyones jets) and pop in for a burger now and then.
And did you okay this going away with me, Bee, and Jean Knee? I don't remember signing off on it.

Tracy said...

Oh and is it already Wednesday there? Cause it's still plain old Tuesday here at R.A.

Tracy said...

Wow, I can't believe I was first. And on a Wednesday/Tuesday no less.
First really is where I should be Brian.
Just a little something to think about for you while away on a trip that I didn't sign off on.

for a different kind of girl said...

What is that fancy pants hamburger?! Did it actually look like the photo when you got yours? I NEVER get anything from McDonald's that looks like the pictures. We never got the pizzas at our McDonald's, so it wouldn't surprise me not to get that fancy sandwich here.

Chris Wood said...

Very very funny!

Michael Winner really entertains me with his childish behaviour. Good call!

Jean Knee said...


here everything tastes like the french fries: burgers, apple pies, shakes etc

catscratch said...


If McDonald's stuff looked that good in the US, I might give it a try.

The only thing I get from that chain is Iced Coffee.

Dan said...

everyone is having the same reaction, the McDonalds ib Europe must be better then ours.
The only thing I like from there is the McChicken. oh and the fries.
And the double quarter pounder with cheese.
Oh and the Ice cream cones and Sunday's.

Wait....Mcdonalds RULE !
I never realized how much I like that stuff until now.

Jean Knee said...

yeah the stuff is awesome Dan, but have you ever noticed everything tastes like the french fries???

Bee said...


I haven't been to Mickey Dee's since before Andy and I started dating. I had a severe case of food poisoning and I never returned. (for the burgers I mean, I still get their breakfast sometimes)

Brian o vretanos said...


Yes, you are first. The M burger actually looked better than the one in the picture. I had one the other day in a different branch, and it was nowhere near as good. So maybe I got lucky.

Yes, you were indeed posting on Wednesday. We're 5 hours ahead of you, which you need to bear in mind if you decide to jet over for a burger, or they'll be closed when you get here.


Most of the time the food bears no resemblence to the picture, which is why I was so surprised.



Jean Knee:

Maybe they knew that an important blogger was coming to write a review about them, and made it nice - I've had McDonald's in America and it's the same as here, except perhaps for the size of the drinks, and the less friendly staff (over there, for a change).


I prefer BK, generally. I've never tried iced coffee - I always like mine hot.


Next time you're in Britain, let me know and I'll treat you to a McDonalds...


Food poisoning? I'm surprised that there was anything at all in their burgers that was alive ;-)

Jean Knee said...

Bee's lying about the food poisoning, there is nothing of an arganic nature in that food.

It's all those mojitos she drank afterward

Bee said...

BRIAN'S BACK BRIAN'S BACK!! ::does a little dance!::

jean knee, I needed the Mojitos to kill all the germs.