Apparently the economic crisis is much worse than I thought. You know that things are getting bad when a man can no longer afford to have a hobby.
A Chinese businessman was an avid collector - of women. In addition to a wife, he kept five mistresses in rent-free accomodation, and was paying each of them an allowance of £500 a month.
This is an expnsive hobby during a Depression, so he decided to limit himself to just one mistress. Plus the wife, of course. I'm sure you'll agree he was showing just the kind of restraint and financial prudence that our great world leaders are advocating.
But which one should he keep? He hired someone from a modelling agency to run a contest for the five women, where they would be judged on their looks, singing and drinking abilities would be judged. The news reports don't say whether they had to be able to sing and drink at the same time. Something that's harder than it looks.
Anyway, the first of the mistresses to be knocked out of the contest by China's answer to Simon Cowell offered to take the businessman and the four women for a drive to show that there were no hard feelings. Of course, her intention was to get revenge. She drove the car off a mountain road.
Unfortunately for her, she was the only one of them who was killed, but unfortunately for our businessman, not only have the other four mistresses dumped him, but his wife's divorcing him as well. It would no doubt have been cheaper for him to have just kept the five women.
Someone whose assets are certainly not in trouble is Salma Hayek. Bee hinted that there was a story involving her and her breasts, and so of course I had to do some research with the aim of entertaining and ediying my readers. I hope you appreciate the lengths I go to, and the hardships I endure.
The story turned out to be boring, and Ms Hayek's gifts are in any case a serious matter, not to be made light of. Apparently she was flat chested until she went on a pilgrimage with her mother and prayed to be, er, blessed.
Is there a God after all?