Saturday, 8 November 2008

Letter to Obama

Dear Mr Obama,

I am writing to congratulate you on your election success, and to give you some advice. I appreciate that you are very busy hunting for a hypo-allergenic puppy, but once you have solved this difficult and important problem, I have a couple of other ones that you might like to consider.

I also appreciate that you have loads of advisers, but I suspect that you could use some impartial advice from a non-American. After all, what you do in the coming years will influence the whole world. What's more, you don't need to pay me.

I think it's great that you're going to get your wars finished, but it's important that you give your military something to do - if they get bored they'll probably start messing around, and with all those dangerous weapons and other kit, this isn't a good idea.

The only solution is to start another war, this time against the global menace of arachnids. These creatures are everywhere, spreading terror and leaving messy webs all over the place. I'm sure that with all the billions you spend on military equipment, you can find some weapon that will be able to wipe them out.

With the army busy for the next 8 years or so, your next priority should be looking at America's contribution to the Information Age. Technology has advanced so far that society needs to catch up.

I am sorry to say that some of your citizens are not spending as much time as they need to on their blogs. Sometimes days or even weeks go by without them posting. The main problem is lack of support from their employers. Legislation is needed to ensure that every worker is provided with internet access and sufficient time to write their daily blog post, as well as to comment on at least one foriegn blog.

Finally, I'd like you to turn your attention to America's role in the global provision of food. It would make a huge difference to your country's reputation and standing if the quality of your beefburgers was higher. Changing the definition of "meat" to exclude bits steamed off carcusses would be a good first step. And while you're at it, could you do something about the fries served by American fast food establishments? Such as making them edible?

I hope that the above will give you something to keep yourself occupied with in the Oval Office, whilst the puppy is asleep, at least.

Yours Hopefully,

I'm sure I shouldn't need to say this, but none of the above is meant as a political statement, or a serious comment on matters such as war, starvation and blogging. It's just meant to be silly.


Jean Knee said...


who luvs ya baby?

(that was a Kojak impersonation)

Jean Knee said...

Brian, it is never a good idea to kill predators and spiders are predators. don't do it

spiders protect Lean in her room from scorpions

Jean Knee said...

don't worry about the military having enough to do, they'll invent some reason or other to have a war if there's none going

no doubt about that

Jean Knee said...

Is it shallow that I can't wait to see Michelle Obama's inauguration gown? well whatever else, they are a dashing looking family

Bee said...

Brian, I have a weird little story for you. My terrarium (I've shown it many a time on my blog because of lighting purposes) has a little spider that inhabits it. I used to have annoying little gnats fly our of there and bother me while blogging but now, nothing.

Why? Because it wove an intricate web all over my plants and pots. I can see the little gnats caught in there and fluttering.

It's actually very cool to look at.

Brian o vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Kojak? You've not been back to that hairdresser, have you???

I didn't know spiders killed scorpions. Maybe they can get the marines to get rid of them and gnats while they're at it.

I'm sure a lot of non-shallow people will be interested in the dress.


I really wish I could happily coexist with spiders, as people are always telling me how great they are... but I just can't stand them.

Jean Knee said...

I don't think spiders normally kill scorpions, but a while back one landed in a spider's web in our hall. So now Lean has sweet pets all over the house that keep her safe :) the webs can get old however

Tracy said...

Brian Dear,
Did you forget something?
Something very important to one of your bloggie friends?

Let me give you a hint....
It happens in CHINA
And what they poison is our

You didn't think that even deserved a mention?

Brian o vretanos said...


Hopefully he reads your blog, so should already be onto the chocolate thing...

Jean Knee said...

I have not been back to the glamoramma, I still have that chili bowl haircut going on. ew

i bet we have similar haircuts now

Dan said...

I agree with the blogging thing, my computer sucks ass, I can't post from it anymore.
You should get a tax credit when you buy new technology.

Dan said...

I was eleventh ! why is that a big deal ?????

Brian o vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

I got my haircut the other day too, so perhaps we do...


The "Eleventh" thing was Bee's doing.

rusty said...

Lol, that's great!

Chris Wood said...

Well done for having the courage to say what we're all thinking, namely that food & blogs are the biggest issues!

Good call. We'll have to see if your wisdom gets through.