Letter to Obama

Dear Mr Obama,

I am writing to congratulate you on your election success, and to give you some advice. I appreciate that you are very busy hunting for a hypo-allergenic puppy, but once you have solved this difficult and important problem, I have a couple of other ones that you might like to consider.

I also appreciate that you have loads of advisers, but I suspect that you could use some impartial advice from a non-American. After all, what you do in the coming years will influence the whole world. What's more, you don't need to pay me.

I think it's great that you're going to get your wars finished, but it's important that you give your military something to do - if they get bored they'll probably start messing around, and with all those dangerous weapons and other kit, this isn't a good idea.

The only solution is to start another war, this time against the global menace of arachnids. These creatures are everywhere, spreading terror and leaving messy webs all over the place. I'm sure that with all the billions you spend on military equipment, you can find some weapon that will be able to wipe them out.

With the army busy for the next 8 years or so, your next priority should be looking at America's contribution to the Information Age. Technology has advanced so far that society needs to catch up.

I am sorry to say that some of your citizens are not spending as much time as they need to on their blogs. Sometimes days or even weeks go by without them posting. The main problem is lack of support from their employers. Legislation is needed to ensure that every worker is provided with internet access and sufficient time to write their daily blog post, as well as to comment on at least one foriegn blog.

Finally, I'd like you to turn your attention to America's role in the global provision of food. It would make a huge difference to your country's reputation and standing if the quality of your beefburgers was higher. Changing the definition of "meat" to exclude bits steamed off carcusses would be a good first step. And while you're at it, could you do something about the fries served by American fast food establishments? Such as making them edible?


I hope that the above will give you something to keep yourself occupied with in the Oval Office, whilst the puppy is asleep, at least.

Yours Hopefully,

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I'm sure I shouldn't need to say this, but none of the above is meant as a political statement, or a serious comment on matters such as war, starvation and blogging. It's just meant to be silly.