It is of course the 233rd anniversary of the day that America ceased to be Britain's problem. According to Wiki, this actually happened on July 2nd, but Wiki's not always reliable, and 300 million Americans can't have got the wrong day, surely? That would be rather embarrassing.
You'd have thought that the British would be celebrating, but sadly we don't get any time off. To be fair, if we had a holiday for every piece of the Empire we'd managed to get shot of, no-one would get much work done. Nevertheless, I thought we should have a review of the many achievements of that very young nation across the pond.
Invented by the Greeks a couple of millennia ago, and adopted by the British in the 13th Century, the American version is of course bigger and better. It takes years to elect a president (we only have 4 weeks to elect 650 people), and everybody gets a say - even little bits of paper. Al Gore lost the 2000 election by failing to win over the highly influential minority group of pregnant chads.
Electricity and the Hard Sell
Of course, no-one invented electricity, but it was an American dentist who came up with one of the most sadistic uses for it - the electric chair. This was a great success. The Ethiopians even spent a fortune on one in the 1890s, and their King ended up using it for his throne since (a) it was the most expensive chair in the country and (b) they didn't have any electricity. The New York salesman almost talked them into buying the Brooklyn Bridge, but they'd already gone bankrupt paying his comission on the chair.
These were developed by the Germans, but it was American know-how that flooded the planet with cheap Fords and helped cause Global Warming. On the plus side, horse driven carts were driven out of business and so our streets are no longer full of shit.
Our friends took this British World War II invention and installed Windows on it. Thanks, guys!
Frankfurters and Hamburgers have hit the global big-time thanks to US fast food chains, something that I'm vary grateful for - even if eating them is probably going to kill me in the end.
I've saved the best till last. Three magic words describe the greatest achievement of the loudest nation in the world. Green Bean Casserole.
Happy Fourth of July!