Saturday, 12 April 2008

How Rich Do You Have To Be...

...to spend $300,000 on a watch that doesn't tell you the time? It doesn't tell you the date. It's not even gold. It doesn't tell you the phases of the moon, but it does tell you whether it's day or night. Amazing!

I have windows I use for precisely this purpose, though I suspect that they cost a lot less. These watches are really accurate. So that you'll know exactly when the sun comes out. And unlike my windows, watches are portable.

Also, looking out the window isn't an exact science.

Is the sun out? I really could do with one of those watches...

The other important point is apparently that you can spend a lot less on a watch that will tell you the time, so people who buy expensive watches aren't buying them for that.

Logically, then, since you can pick up a mobile phone for next to nothing that will allow you to call people, an expensive one doesn't need to have that feature. Instead it could contain a special mechanism of cogs and springs, hand made by Swiss craftsmen that tells you which way up you're holding it. I'm thinking of putting one on the market for $400,000. There'll be a red limited edition version that I'm hoping Bee will pay $600,000 for.

My special fountain pen will be a snip at $50,000. The nib has been sharpened by the specially shaped teeth of the rare Bwami Swamp Alligator. There is nowhere to put ink - after all, attempting to write with this precision instrument would not only damage it, but you'd risk ruining your expensive suit if the ink leaked out.

In the medium term, I predict that the laptop will be the next must have luxury item. I'm thinking that it'll be a bit cheap to include any electronics, so instead the screen will be hand-painted by some of the world's finest living abstract artists. The price? Well, if you have to ask...

15 comments:

Jean Knee said...

first

Jean Knee said...

I like how that non-time telling watch has overcome earth's gravity and all. very impressive

Bee said...

I asked my accountant and he said he would only justify spending $600,000 if it massages his feet everyday and then does the dishes.

People well buy anything as evidence by the crap in a can you posted about once.

Jean Knee said...

I have to save my money for future appliance failure

Bee said...

They wedding is at 5 but can you believe I have to start getting ready now?

Looking good takes longer than it used too! >:o[

Jean Knee said...

don't I know it. I dreamed I bought a girdle, it was pretty with brown flowers on it.

why don't they make those kind of things for men??

Brian, would you wear a girdle?

Jean Knee said...

what about if it got 36 MPH?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

The antigravity watch is a precision timepiece.

Bee:

That's great news about your accountant! Of course you'll have to do the massaging and the dishes, but it'll be worth it to be the proud owner of such a prestigious item.

You should also get one of those watches. Not only will you no longer worry about the time, you wouldn't need to worry about your appearance - everyone would be looking at the marvel on your wrist.

Jean Knee:

Aren't girdles those things that squash your vital organs so that the mini eggs don't show? Well, I prefer my vital organs unsquashed, thankyou.

Bee said...

BWAHAHAHAHA MINI EGGS!!!!

Jean Knee said...

Yo, that ain't funny

mini egg overconsumption is a real problem

Tracy said...

Jean Knee- Imagine my problem. I refused to waste my time with the mini eggs and am now paying the price for over consumption of the regular sized eggs. Hope that made you feel better.

Brian-Maybe another thing would be a cellphone that doesn't make phone calls. That would make it too normal.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Tracy:

Maybe luxury mini (and normal sized) eggs? The beauty of it is that people wouldn't be able to afford to overconsume them...

Dan said...

can I do the painting?

Bee said...

It's sunny here in the midwest but not as sunny as that picture on your post. I have to wear my sunglasses when I click over here! :o)

Brian o Vretanos said...

Dan:

Of course you can, as long as you're no good at it - it's worth more money if it's really crap.

Bee:

That was the view from my lounge early on Saturday morning. It got much duller later on.