Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Wordy Wednesday

With all the cold and miserable weather we're having, it's perhaps not surprising that there are over 300,000 people interested in one job on a tropical island. It involves looking after the place for six months - feeding the pets (turtles), collecting the mail, that sort of thing. They get paid £6000 a month, get the use of a three bedroom villa and have to write a blog post every week.

I have been thinking about applying, and since they will be selecting ten people to fly out to the island for an interview, I'm practising for the big day.

Q: So, what attracted you to this job?
A: I was struck by the immense challenges that it will provide, and which I intend to rise to, should I be given the chance, and which I think make it worth the hardships involved.

Q: What are your relevant qualifications?
A: I'm not one to boast, and with a blogging average of around 3 posts a week over the last 15 months, I'll let the figures talk for themselves.

Q: Hmm, yes, that's one of the reasons we turned down that People's Blogger fellow. Anyway, as you probably know, the island gets a lot of tourists visiting for the day. How do you think you'll cope?
A: I'm definitely a people person, especially when the people in question are wearing bikinis. I'll certainly do my best to be hospitable.

Q: How can you convince us that this island will be safe in your hands?
A: I'll keep my eye on it constantly. You really have nothing to worry about. I guarantee it'll still be here when you get back.

Q: How are you with turtles?
A: I can honestly say that I've never had a problem with them.

Q: You're just the exciting, dynamic and wonderful person we're looking for. When can you start?

At least, that's the theory. However, to be completely honest, I'm not really exciting or dynamic, and I'm also not much of an outdoors type. And I bet that the internet connection is lousy, and I'm not sure I want to do an extra blog post every week. So perhaps I'll be generous and leave this opportunity to someone who'll appreciate the seaweed and the whales. After all, life's not that bad here.


for a different kind of girl said...

If it weren't for the snorkeling and such, because yuck, I would be the 300,001 person applying for that job. However, I do not swim where animals live. This has been a problem for most of my employment efforts, dang it.

Chris Wood said...

Excellent post! I too think maybe I could handle such challenges. As to never having trouble with turtles, don't get me started!

Bee said...

I for one am glad you’re out of the running because you had an answer for all of those questions. Of course you made them up so maybe that’s why?

Also, I want to hear Chris’ story about the turtles because I really really really really want to buy a snapping turtle but if they eat people I might reconsider. Of course, I can always have it as my bodyguard…

Brian o vretanos said...


No, I don't fancy a mouthful of the water, either.


I hear they make excellent soup.


My plan did rather hinge on me landing the interviewer's job first.

Jean Knee said...

Turtles are a little bit trickier than they appear

Kat said...

You're a hoot. How I'd love to have you in for an interview.

Wasn't that the best and cheapest worldwide "ad campaign" ever? You simply can't buy advertising any cheaper. For a mere 150 000 AUD (if they in fact hire someone - still cheap) up until now -worldwide attention - priceless.

Brian o vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

It's their lack of movement that lures people into a true sense of security.


You're right, it is incredibly cheap.

Dan said...

Commenting also counts as blogging!

Anndi said...

This job should be awarded to a woman, as we don't have long wormlike dangly bits turtles might mistake for food.

Brian o vretanos said...


I don't think they'll pay you £6000 a month for a couple of comments.


We'll see about that. Remember that I'm planning to go for the job of interviewer...

Do turtles eat wormlike dangly things? Aren't they vegetarians? I'm showing my total ignorance of turtles now.

Tracys Ramblings said...

Okay, here's the thing...

Oh wait...ELEVENTH!!!!!

Tracys Ramblings said...

Ok, now here's the thing, has anyone else besides me ever watched that Animal Planet series called Blue Planet? It's all about the different water systems and parts of the oceans.
But then they keep saying "The ocean is so vast and deep and so much has been undiscovered. There are still things out there that we don't know about."

So, I am not going near any ocean because it would be my luck that some super jumbo giant squid/shark/turtle/dinosaur thing would decide to show it's head and eat me.
I don't want to be eaten.

Brian o vretanos said...


I hope you won't end up as dinosaur fodder. You were almost 13th, though ;-)