Tuesday, 8 January 2008

Η σταχτοπούτα


When I started this Greek lark just over a year ago, I was faced with the daunting task of learning all the vocabulary of the language. The first thing I did was start reading News websites, which I would do with a dictionary in my hand looking up almost every word. I made some effort to write down the words I was looking up, but I just ended up with huge lists every day.

Now things are somewhat better, and I only need to look up a few words. I write down some of them, mainly ones I get when I'm watching TV. It occurred to me that I could pick one of these each day as the theme for my blog. If this doesn't seem like a good idea to you, don't worry, as I can't imagine I'll keep it going for long - I'm one of these people who starts things and never finishes them!

Cinderella Part II

Cinderella finally sat down, exhausted, but with the feeling of a job well done. You could eat your dinner off that floor - actually, the dog often did. She heard heavy footsteps approach and stop outside the door.

"Take your boots off before you come in. I didn't spent all day scrubbing this sodding floor for you to trail horse shit all over it!", she yelled.

There was a grunt, and one by one the sound of two boots hitting the stone slabs of the corridor, and finally Prince Charming entered, in full hunting gear (minus the boots, of course).

"I do wish you wouldn't use such language darling", he said in clipped tones, "and a Princess really shouldn't be spending all her time cleaning. We have servants for that."

"But they never do it properly.", argued Cinderella, "Anyway, I've got to something whilst you torture those poor senseless animals."

"That's no way to talk about my ministers, Cindy. Anyway, I'm all yours now." He said, as he started to take off his shirt.

"Oh no!", moaned Cinderella, "I've just finished this. I'm too knackered. Anyway, you've got plenty of wenches for that."

"But they never starch my collars properly, you know that.", the Prince replied, handing Cinderella his shirt, which she reluctantly carried over to the sink.

"We've got to look our best tomorrow", continued the Prince, "because the Emperor is coming to a State Banquet."

"Oh, not that stuck up old git!"

"And you my dear, well, you'd better keep your mouth shut. Do you hear? I'm hoping that we can sign a new peace treaty. Remember his armies are capable of wiping us out if he gives the order."

"All right, I won't say a word. What if I don't go?"

"You've got to come, Cindy. You know how famous you are. Word of your beauty and purity of soul have reached the farthest corners of civilisation."

"Purity? Ha, Ha, Ha!"

The next day everything was splendid. The chefs had been working for weeks to prepare the choicest dishes - it was rumoured that half of the country's annual tax returns had been spent on this one meal. Everyone was dressed in their finest robes, and Ciderella looked radiant. When the Emperor first set eyes on her it took him some time to regain his powers of speech before he could congratulate the Prince on his beautiful bride.

The meal started well. Conversation was polite but friendly. And then disaster struck! The Prince's beautiful wife showed just how ladylike she wasn't. Unused to the rich food (they usually made do with stew), she was overcome with a loud bout of flatulence. The sound reverberated through the hall. The Emperor looked down at his plate. No-one knew what to say.

"Better out than in, eh?", said Cinderella. The Emperor pretended to be studying his plate even more carefully.

"Oh come on, don't be so stuffy!", said the beautiful Princess, and she threw a roast potato at the Emperor, which hit him on his forehead.

The Prince had his head in his hands, and was peering through the cracks in his fingers, whimpering slightly.

The Emperor slowly looked up. "So it's war." He said in measured tones.

The Emperor's Royal Guard unseathed their swords, and on the other side of the hall, the Prince's did the same. Both groups stepped nearer the table.

The Prince looked up to try and placate his guest - and was hit on the nose by a large bone which the Emperor had launched in his direction.

Soon the only person not laughing was the Royal Chef, as his carefully prepared banquet became the ammunition of a royal food fight. Needless to say, the peace treaty was signed (after everyone had had a shower and a change of clothes).

And they all lived Happily Ever After.

THE END

23 comments:

Jean Knee said...

hmmmmm

Jean Knee said...

Bee! quick what's that word
H otaxtottouta? is it better out than in?

Brian o Vretanos said...

I was a little slow - It only just occurred to me that when you posted a comment saying you had nothing you would have posted something new.

I'm letting Bee answer your linguistic question - the word is "stachtopouta".

She's obviously busy child-minding, probably telling fairy stories...

Jean Knee said...

fairy stories? oh yeah I heard on the news this morning that siegfried and Roy are making a comeback, even though Roy is paralyzed from a tiger mauling or something

when I commented i had nothin I really had nothin

should I become a chef now? (don't tell anybody but that was my actual hand in the photo.)

Brian o Vretanos said...

If you're going to become a celebrity chef then you need to sex it up a little bit - for example, you could toast the bread by soaking it in cointreau and lighting it with one of those mini-blowtorch things.

The TV Chef on Cypriot TV wears rubber gloves.

Brian o Vretanos said...

I'd never heard of Siegfried and Roy, Wiki says about Roy:

"Doctors removed one-quarter of his skull to relieve the pressure of his swelling brain during an operation known as a decompressive craniectomy. The portion of skull was placed in a pouch in Horn's abdomen in the hope of replacing it later."

The wonders of medical science. If that was me, I don't think I'd be going back for more...

Bee said...

In the Shrek movies there is allot of gas passing and Shrek's favorite comment is "Better out than in I always say."
I'm glad Cindy isn't a stuck up snot, she's my favorite princess.

Bee said...

The little one is currently napping, I am tired tired tired tired...

Brian o Vretanos said...

Do I get the impression that you're not thinking of making a career change and taking up child-minding professionally? Is it that worse than bat-minding? At least the children have potential...

Jean Knee said...

Well, I have some creme de menthe and a cigarette lighter. Also some rubber gloves with, that's right, polka dots on them.


awww, Bee snores so cute like

Bee said...

My brain is tired, my body is tired. I ran errands, cooked, cleaned and played with Natalia. Nope, I'm never this tired after a day of "work".

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

And a fire extinguisher might come in useful.

I'm not sure why the guy on the TV wears gloves - maybe he has a skin condition, or something contagious...

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

You should sleep and nap when Natalia does.

Jean Knee said...

I also have a fire extinguisher in my kitchen as we speak. I tend to burn things a lot so Drew got it for me

Bee said...

While she napped, I cleaned.
When she's up I have to focus 100% of my attention on her since I don't want her just watching TV.
She learned all about Diego Rivera and Frieda Kahlo when my SIL Esmeralda watched her so now she wants to become a self portrait artist. She's as vain as her Tia Bee... ;o)

Bee said...

BTW jean knee, Cinderella.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

As you might be finding devoting 100% of your attention is incredibly tiring - there comes a point when you have to worry about not wearing yourself out too much. Natalia is very fortunate to have such a devoted Tia!

Big Dad said...

I'm at work today so I'm bored. I'm watching Natalia on Thursday and Friday.
Nothing like resting my brain cells... ;op

Big Dad said...

Okay! Why doesn't that nickname thing work for me??
That was supposed to say.
"Bee the bat minder"

Brian o Vretanos said...

BD:

Rest them while you can - it sounds like they'll be doing overtime in the next couple of days ;-)

Brian o Vretanos said...

BD:

Bad Luck!

Did you fill in the "Pseudonym" thing AND tick the little circle?

still traumatized by elastic said...

see how Brian never yells when he tells you how to do something? now, that's kewl

Bee said...

::SIGH!!::
Don't mind him he'll get his!
>:o[
And not in a pleasant way! ;op