Friday, 11 January 2008

Not Brad Pitt

Bee has been shamelessly flaunting her Brad Pitt obsession, and The Frogster shamelessly plugged his (very good) explanation of the uncanny similarities between him and BP. So I decided to shamelessly "borrow" this idea, and explain why I am so much better than Brad Pitt.

There is no photograph of either of us, because some readers might just spend all their time gazing lovingly at it. However, there is a little treat for the ladies at the end of this post.

Why I Am So Much Better than BP:
  • I do not live in a cave: Research suggests that women find BP attractive because he looks like a caveman. Come on, ladies! In the 21st Century where we have houses with heating, electricity, etc, why do you want to go back to the Stone Age? Maybe this is why Angelina Jolie prefers to spend so much time in war zones.
  • I am not passionate about good causes: Okay, I agree with quite a few of BP's concerns, but I wouldn't describe myself as "passionate" about them. You may think that it's great to see BP's sensitive side, but I suspect that most women aren't so crazy about Al Gore, which is what BP will become in a few years.
  • I am not as old: He's getting past it now. Almost on the wrong side of the line between 40 and 50. It'll be plastic surgery next. If you do get your hands on him, bits will probably come off in them.
  • I am not sleeping with Angelina Jolie: I'm sure women wouldn't want to have to compete with her.
  • I've not yet realised my potential: BP has won all sorts of things, and has been voted the sexiest man alive, and all that. The only way for him is down. I on the other hand can only get better.
Of course, I should point out that I have a queue of women interested in me. I won't tell you how many, as I don't want to boast.

Finally, just for the ladies, here is a picture of a Brad Pitt lookalike. Enjoy!

21 comments:

Dan said...

My wife is making me wear a mouthpiece to bed that moves my jaw forward to avoid snoring, I look just like that caveman...so I guess now I look like Pitt also.
Dan

Bee said...

Dan, you are so whipped!

Brian, since you didn't give us a picture of Brad Pitt to compare it with that neanderthal, I can only see the resemblance between you and the neanderthal. Only it looks slightly less hairy.

Chris said...

ROFLMAO.

"If you do get your hands on him, bits will probably come off in them"

I don't know why but I find that not only hilarious and disturbing...but also most likely true. :-D

Jean Knee said...

I'm thinking Brad probably wishes by now (what with all those kids and house building etc.) that he had stayed with Jennifer.

Al Gore is still a sexy and vibrant man I'll have you know. He in no way compares to Brad Pitt. I think everyone will agree to that statement.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Dan:

Wouldn't earplugs be easier?

Bee:

Thanks! I'll take that as a compliment - further proof that I am irresistable to women.

Chris:

;-)

Jean Knee:

You could finally have had your million dollar brainwave - a "Vibrating Al Gore" - This could be next year's must have (adult) toy...

Jean Knee said...

I'm sure it already exists somewhere out there. solar powered of course

Jean Knee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bee said...

HA! jean knee just claimed to be innocent on her blog! And also, umm... I have solar powered calculators that only work with extreme light shining on them so... it could pose a problem with the Al Gore toy.

Brian o Vretanos said...

That would make a good film title "The Innocence of Jean Knee" - Maybe they could get Brad Pitt to play the title role ;-)

Jean Knee said...

are you saying I look like a man again?? cuz, that's cold.

I only have man hair on one side

Brian o Vretanos said...

... Or that BP looks like a woman?

... Or that it would be fun to see him in drag?

No, you're right, I was saying that - I was reminded of it because you metioned it (yesterday?). But it was very wrong of me, and I'm incredibly sorry and contrite.

See what a good actor I am? Much better than some mid-40s has been called Brad.

In fact, I should have the part.

"The Horror!"

Wasn't that impressive?

Dan said...

No, we tried the ear plugs and they don't work my snoring is VERY loud.

Jean Knee
Al Gore sexy? you're kidding right?
He always looks constipated.
He looks like someone stuck a wet piece of celery where the sun don't shine.
Dan

Brian o Vretanos said...

Dan:

I'm told I snore very loudly as well. Of course, I don't believe this ;-)

Brian o Vretanos said...

I once worked with someone who's husband was doing night shifts, and she said that if he ever went onto days they'd get divorced because of his snoring, but in the end she persuaded him to have an operation where they broke his nose. I don't know if it worked.

Bee said...

BWAHAHAHA! Wet piece of celery!!
WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!!
SOLAR POWERED!!


Okay I'm obviously tired.

Bee said...

Dan, I'll break your nose! That's what big sisters do.

Jean Knee said...

Why, Brian
you seemed very womanly just now,or something


Dan, constipated with a celery enema looks quite good on certain men

Jean Knee said...

with or without batteries

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Yes, I'm Oscar material - a real chamelion (Gary Oldman, eat your heart out), but I haven't found the right script yet. They keep sending me Hugh Grant's rejects...

Dan said...

Brian
too bad he didn't reject Music and Lyrics cause that would have been your chance to work with Bee...I mean Drew Barrymore.

Dan

Brian o Vretanos said...

Dan:

Yes, HG's a selfish bugger ;-)