Wednesday, 30 January 2008

Weapons of mass destruction


Bari, Italy, Tuesday:

Italian authorities were checking a lorry which had just come off a boat from Patras, Greece. It was full of the usual cargo: loads of oranges, a couple of wooden boxes containing Amraam air-to-air missiles...

Erm, sorry, you did say missiles?

Missiles!

Madre de Dio!

The driver explained that he'd picked up the boxes at the Andravida airbase in Greece. The Italian authorities, excited that they'd foiled a terrorist plan to try and smuggle the missiles, immediately got on the blower to the Greek Air Force. Who were understandably put into a state of panic as they tried to work out whether they'd mislaid the odd deadly weapon or two.


It would be interesting to see just how well organised and efficient the Greek (or any other) Air Force are when it comes to keeping track of their missiles. I don't know, but I'm guessing that there was a lot of frantic checking and counting going on. And some top brass spending rather more time than usual in the Gents.

It's not clear what the perpetrators were supposed to be doing with these air to air missiles. Unless they'd previously smuggled out the odd Phantom II (F-4) jet, or an F-16. Which aren't so easy to hide amongst a load of oranges.

After many hours of alarm and panic, it turned out that the cargo was being shipped to defence contractor EADS in Germany, and that the missiles were actually iron replicas, identical in size and weight to the real thing, which are carried by jets on test flights. They'd been in Greece for some such tests.

I think what I love about this story is the incongruity of missiles amongst a lorry load of oranges. For some reason I have a picture in my head of an air strike, with jets flying low and unloading their terrible arsenal - of citrus fruit. Though it wouldn't be a joke if you got hit on the head by some.

Nevertheless I think that it would be great if the world's military could replace all their soul-less, metal bullets, missiles, bombs, etc. with more edible weapons. It would be a terrible waste when some of the world's population are starving, but it would be the ultimate food fight, and might save lives in the long run.

I can see the future President of the US boarding Air Force 1, along with the special Briefcase. The one that contains all of the launch codes, which one terrible day he (or she) with heavy heart (or drunk, maybe) will use in defence of Freedom to launch the country's custard pies.

Bill Gates testing America's new Secret Weapon

54 comments:

Bee said...

First!!

Did you take a picture of the TV?? :o)

Brian o Vretanos said...

No, I got it from another blog.

Actually something terrible happened today - she's had her hair radically changed. I can't begin to describe it.

Bee said...

Ha! "She" Ha HA HA!!

I hope they do that so I can make a nice fruit salad in the middle of a war. MMMMMM.
Also, can you add a link to dictionary.com on your posts. It'll save me opening a new browser to look up words such as incrogoogooitee...

Bee said...

Well, TRY!

Bee said...

Something terrible happened to me right now! I was eating the Whatcamacallit I saved for today and half of it fell to the floor!
:o{

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Lexicographically Challenged:

Get Firefox.

1. It's a tabbed browser, so you don't open another browser, just another tab.

2. It has plug in search thingummys - don't know what they're called, but I have a Greek dictionary as my default one.

Dropped Food:

Didn't you just pick it up and eat it anyway? That's what I would have done. Unless the floor's really disgusting.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Oh yes,

3. It's free

4. It's not made by Microsoft.

5. It's miles better than IE

Brian o Vretanos said...

Decent Browser

Bee said...

Brian:
1- I am work therefore supposed to be working but I don't have the option to say what thingy to use.
2- My Google tool bar has tons of little options including tabs but I usually read your blog at work and all my goodie options is at home on my beeutiful laptop.
3- Mine's free too.

Dropped food:
It was all melty because the bats have the heat up at 100 million degrees so it went ::SPLAT!:: I can't eat something that went ::SPLAT!:: on the floor.

Bee said...

"AT" WORK Your blog keeps eating my words.

Bee said...

lex·i·cog·ra·phy:
Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[lek-si-kog-ruh-fee]
–noun 1. the writing, editing, or compiling of dictionaries.
2. the principles and procedures involved in writing, editing, or compiling dictionaries.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Blogger is sick at the moment. I'm not getting mail notifications.

I added a link. Is that what you mean, or are you after something fancier?

Jean Knee said...

changed her hair? without asking you first? dreadfully sorry


nothing dreadful happened to me today--so far

when I need to have something found or translated I yell for Bee, otherwise I'd be totally ignorant------------I heard that remark

Brian o Vretanos said...

lexicographer n.n [λεξικον and γραφω; lexicographe, French.] A writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge, that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the signification of words.

[Samuel Johnson]

Bee said...

WoW! You guys commented at the same time! Cool!

Jean Knee said...

You two better acknowledge my presense here or I'll do something drastic----I'll yank the blog, I will, then no more soew for you people

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

I'm glad that you're having a good day. I hope it continues.

BEE HEARTS JEAN KNEE said...

HI JEAN KNEE!!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Can you find soew in your magic dictionary?

Bee said...

It means:
sweet
owesome
elegant
women

Ingrid said...

What a funny story. I can just picture them scrambling among baskets of clementines, yelling "i terroristi, i terroristi!"

Thanks for a good laugh.

asswipe lettuce lover said...

she meant spew ass holes

Brian o Vretanos said...

Ingrid:

Yes, the only one I feel sorry for is the driver - I bet they gave him a hard time!

BEE SPEWING!! said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

BEE said...

STILL LAUGHING!!

Bee said...

I see jean knee's cupcake side is gone and replaced by her other alter ego! ::tears of laughter::

Jean Knee said...

If it had only been a cargo of grapefruits you could use it as a weight loss gimmick--weapons of ass destruction

Jean Knee said...

Bee--I'm still going toward the other side--I read mushy valentine cards today without gagging

Bee said...

No! jean knee come back! We need your smartassness for fuel! Gas if you will...

Jean Knee said...

You see all the sweet, dippy valentine crafts I've made: pink, lace, doilies, glitter


speaking of dippy I know what I'm sending Brian for his "I'm an old guy" birthday

Jean Knee said...

Wake up, Brian. Are you in bed reading some mathematical journal or something??

Bee said...

How old is he again? 64?

Jean Knee said...

Don't make me stalk you

Jean Knee said...

not quite at retirement age but pretty close, you see his photo on his avatar

Bee said...

he's writing one.

Bee said...

No wrinkles though...

Jean Knee said...

gawd I hope he doesn'r send us a copy. If he does I'll send him my children's party book...heee haaa hee

Bee said...

I'd pay top dollar jean knee!! Top dollar!

Bee said...

Later gator! I have to finish so I can go home!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

I'm really a lot younger than I look.

I used to look my age, then I started a blog...

I'm just about to go to bed. I need my beauty sleep.

Jean Knee said...

night

Brian o Vretanos said...

Zzzzzzzzzzz.....

Bee said...

All this talk of citrus, I had to have some OJ (the drink not the man) with a leetle beet of VODKA!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Sounds good - I might have to try some later. Just so I know what you're talking about ;-)

Dan said...

they should launch some missels filled with that Jean Knee spew thing.

Tracy said...

I love the whole story. And the idea of a huge food fight is hilarious.
I do think it would make the world a better place though. When one country makes you mad, you bomb the heck out of them with some cherry pie, get your frustrations out and go on with minimal to no loss of life.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Dan:

I think that's probably against some International law, you know the one that lets you nuke people, but not drop noxious chemicals on them...

Tracy:

The clean up operation afterwards would be interesting ;-)

Bee said...

DID YOU KNOW THIS WAS YOUR 98TH POST????? Well did ya'??

Brian o Vretanos said...

Yes.

What's special about 98?

Not much. There are two things listed in "The Panguin Dictionary of Curious and Interesting NUMBERS", but, they're not very, er, interesting...

Bee said...

Brian you silly duck! It mean you are close to ONE HUNDRED!
Am I the only one that gets excited (or anxious) about milesotnes??

Jean Knee said...

I missed my 100 post because I couldn't think of any way to celebrate.

Speaking of which, I put your birthday present in the mail today. They made me fill out paper work stating what it was. I really didn't know

hee hee, Bee's already seen it

Bee said...

This will be Brian's face when he gets it:
:-O
Then:
:-D

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Yes, I realise the proximity to 100, but 99 is even better in that respect, and 100 is ideal. So I wondered why you chose 98.

You have to realise that I'd just come home from the pub...

Jean Knee:

Righto. I've alerted the authorities. BTW, I did tell you I'd moved, changed my name and had plastic surgery, didn't I? Don't tell me I forgot to give you my new details?

Bee said...

Brian:
It just so happened that I noticed it at 98 so I thought should point it out while I remembered and not at post 107 when I would say "CRAP! I forgot to aks if he was going to do anything for his 100th post!"
Enough words.