Tuesday, 19 February 2008

Nuke it, Baby!


Texas, Tuesday 19 February 2008:

Police announced today that they are assisting government scientists in a rather unusual "manhunt". They are searching for the source of a mysterious radio emission which has caused an area of space to become "cooked".

"It's just like someone's microwaved space", said the chief scientist leading the expedition. "We've never seen anything like it.". The area could cause a hazard for space shipping, but fortunately NASA have already launched their latest probe, and a special clean-up operation is now being planned for 2009.

"Basically, various particles of cosmic dust have been cooked. They have formed something that is a little bit like a very large piece of burnt food. Maybe a little like an overcooked onion ring. We plan to take a sample back to earth for proper analysis."

It is rumoured that the sample will be tasted by Martha Stewart, although officials refused to confirm this.

Meanwhile, the source of the emissions has been traced to Texas, where the hunt is on to find out what is doing this. Unfortunately, they stopped abruptly on Friday, and haven't been detected since.

"One of my scientists thinks it's a faulty microwave", said the Chief, "but I think that's a silly idea."

Em, Jean Knee...

154 comments:

Bee said...

first!!

Bee said...

HA HA HA!

Bee said...

Ooh! She is gonna get mad at you saying she's polluting space...

Jean Knee said...

I would never pollute anything cept the air waves maybe.( with my braying)
Father Al would not like it.

Someone (MIL) messed with my Father Al Gore Valentine card. I knew the exact placement down to longitude latitude and someone knocked him over on his face then tried to put him back (he was craftily displayed in a sweet red basket, awww) but couldn't do it.

Jean Knee said...

I believe the last thing to be zapped was a totino pizza roll--
very vile

Bee said...

Ahhhh! I made those for my niece on Friday! Coincidence?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Father Al would be proud of you. Surely pumping crap into space would be far better than leaving it in the Earth's atmosphere?

Maybe they could construct a huge pipe on a similar principle to the Space Elevator, and pump all the CO2 through it?

Are they going to ban fizzy drinks? What proportion of CO2 emissions are caused by Coke?

So many questions, but as an Al Gore follower I hope you can answer them.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

I hope your microwave didn't go mad. Or did you use a normal oven?

I've never heard of pizza roll - I'll have to look out for it, I'm sure Helena would love it.

Jean Knee said...

not sure about co 2 emmissions.
pretty sure cow farts produce the most methane...how are these related? NCS keeps up with Father Al's technical side. I'm in charge of PR.


pizza rolls are a food group to kids

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

I think what you're implying is that we need to stop cooking with microwaves and instead use cow farts. If there's any left over, they could use it to make Coke.

Bee said...

11th!!!!!!!!!

Bee said...

HA!

Brian o Vretanos said...

The Monster Raving Loony Party had a proposal a few elections ago to use the hot air generated in parliamentary debates to heat the Nation's houses, but sadly they weren't elected.

Bee said...

OK, back to work cuz Gerald/Daniel have taken up too much of my time.



P.S.
Totinos Pizza Rolls are yummy no matter what jean knee says.

Bee said...

Did you just call me " Monster Raving Loony"??

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

You? No, not at all. I was referring to one of the UK's political parties. See: OMRLP

Jean Knee said...

exactly what I was implying, Brian. nail ..on...the...head

Bee said...

That. Is. Hilarious!

Bee said...

Dammit! I keep forgetting to "tick the box"!

Jean Knee said...

not only that, you should have seen what he was saying about you in an email just now---he called you....no no no I can't say it...




shrek lover

Bee said...

shiek lover?

Bee said...

I've never met a shiek...



that I din't like.

Jean Knee said...

Texas: vote for Kinky!!!

Over yonder: vote for Screaming Lord Sutch!!


I am so into politics now that the craft hoard has been moved to the dining room

Bee said...

Okay, I had already left but I had to come back now I'm going again.

Jean Knee said...

nah, Bee I'm lyin

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

You should stand for election. I'd vote for you.

Jean Knee said...

I stand for Peace, love, and recycling. not necessarily in that order

Bee said...

Wasn't Superman's sayin' "Truth, Justice and the American way"?

Jean Knee our Polka Dotted Superwoman!

Jean Knee said...

I thought it sounded familiar

Brian o Vretanos said...

All the twitchers had gathered from miles around, binoculars ready, to see the rarley spotted "Greater Spotted Magpie". They waited for days silently in the trees. Until finally they spotted it flying through the air. Someone whispered "There!".

"False Alarm! It's just that damn Polka Dot Superwoman saving the planet again!" sighed another, and, disappointed and despondent, they all trudged off home.

Tracy said...

All I can say is "Thank God" this didn't happen over West Virginia because I tend to burn things all the time, and I use my microwave a lot and I just know that I would be talented enough to burn space and then I would be sent to prison where I would be forced to marry a woman named Bertha. Oh the horror.
Honestly though, I think I could accomplish burning space. I've had a lot of practice.

Jean Knee said...

I love the word trudged

Jean Knee said...

when I race Lean, she runs and I trudge, I can still beat her with a head start

Brian o Vretanos said...

Tracy:

Some people have devices that buzz when dinner is ready, other people have smoke detectors ;-)

Jean Knee:

Trudge is certainly a very satisfyingly sounding word.

Bee, the monster raving loony said...

I rock 35th!! Yeah, that's right!

Jean Knee said...

watch out Brian, I've heard red hair dye can addle the brain

Bee said...

Whoa! That's dangerous since I was already walking around half addled

Jean Knee said...

wait, no I think it's black dye

Bee said...

Oh oh double trouble!

Jean Knee said...

I thought your hair was already black



it' true I heard something about dark hair dye--maybe cancer causing, crap I can't remember

Jean Knee said...

Brian., are you there? come in Brian do you read me, over

Jean Knee said...

breaker 1 9 we got a smokey on our tail over here at interstate 35 north

Bee said...

Nah, my hair is brown but he dyed it black and red. He didn't want to dye it black but I made him. Now I'm scaurd!





No, not really. I'll do it again.

Bee said...

Oh lawrd! You really are in TEXAS!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Yes, I'm here.

By my calculations all that makes Bee's brain two and a half times addled.

That's considerably better than mine, and I've never even smoked hair dye.

Jean Knee said...

do you have an accent, Bee?

I definitely have one but no one here seems to notice

Jean Knee said...

do you have an accent Brian?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Not any more. I used to, but these days I speak RP.

Jean Knee said...

whuts RP

Bee said...

People's Republic in a mirror

Jean Knee said...

retro posh?

Bee said...

BWAHAHAHAHA!!

Bee said...

18 MORE MINUTES AND I BLOW THIS POP JOINT!

Bee said...

WORK I MEAN

Jean Knee said...

it's almost time to cook supper and the microwave is still down.

Jean Knee said...

you really shouldn't blow joints, it makes the sparks fly all over and makes for uneven burning of the , um, joint

Jean Knee said...

so, is everyone watching the lunar eclipse tonight?

Bee said...

I need one right about now. And then a nap. And then some Cheetos!

Bee said...

HELL YEAH!! 7ish my time.

Jean Knee said...

we really should have our own chat room

but once again I'm talking to just myself

Jean Knee said...

but, I wasn't

Brian's putting on his snuggly PJ's and brushing his teeth right now

Brian o Vretanos said...

Eclipse:

I wasn't planning to.

RP:

"Received Pronounciation", which is Neutral English. Reasonably rare, because most people have some kind of accent.

Brian o Vretanos said...

I only read about the eclipse earlier when they said it would be happening at 3 am Greek time. Which I suppose means about 1 am here. Being Britain it'll be hidden by cloud. Always is.

Jean Knee said...

bologna, you sound British to me

Bee said...

What do I sound like jean knee??

Bee said...

Rosie Perez??

Jean Knee said...

I'm not sure, but you don't have that Illinois sound

Bee said...

Marissa Tomei???

Jean Knee said...

I've never thought you would sound like Rosie Perez

Jean Knee said...

maybe Marissa Tomeii ish

Jean Knee said...

is your voice deep or girlie?

Bee said...

I'm more California soundin' Valley Girl-ish with hispanic attitudey

Jean Knee said...

Brian what did you eat for supper? did you mocrowave it?

Bee said...

I prefer raspy thank you very much!
Don't ask me what I"m wearing next! [she warns waving her fist]

Jean Knee said...

hmmmm. I sound little girlish with a hick accent on the side.

I always wanted a throaty voice

Bee said...

There's still time, smoke some cigs.

Jean Knee said...

The eclipse will surely bring out the coyotes and their horrible yipping. I'll be awake all night if anyone has insomnia, you can join me for some Text Twist or zuma.

Brian o Vretanos said...

I microwaved the rice, but heated up the chicken curry on the hob.

Jean Knee said...

no can do

Bee said...

Okay, I'm off to the races. LAter dudes!
What's a hob?

Jean Knee said...

I love those curry dinners

I'm guessing the hob is the stove top?

Jean Knee said...

bye, Bee

goodnight Brian

dang

Brian o Vretanos said...

Yes, it's the bit with the rings.

I get the microwave-in-the-bag rice, since it's so easy, and is done in 2 minutes.

I bought my microwave for about £30 3 1/2 years ago. If it ever goes kaput, I'll just throw it away and get a new one. It's not worth even considering getting it repaired.

Jean Knee said...

ours is only 2 1/2 years old and is a built in light and vent combo.

I'll have a repairman out

maybe

Jean Knee said...

did you notice without Bee here both our eyes glazed over?

Brian o Vretanos said...

I hadn't noticed that.

Anyway, I'll leave you to it, as I have to get to bed...

Anonymous said...

Wow, busy blog.

SC

Bee said...

Ummm... not really but people know I'm not from Chicaaaago.

Tracy said...

You know Brian, I've actually had that happen where something boiled over in the oven during one of my cooking excursions and the fire alarm went of and I kid you not, both girls screamed "Yay, dinner's done!"
I'm not making that up, it's really that bad here.

Jean Knee said...

Tracy, it's harder to burn things in the microwave....I seem to remember that from the old days (last week)

Jean Knee said...

you've almost gotten 100 comments

wowsa

Bee said...

Did anybody watch the eclipse last night?

Bee said...

I did. It was huge!

Bee said...

Of Course, it was on my TV.

Bee said...

It was just too cold to go outside.

Bee said...

It was awesome!

Bee said...

Probably would have been better in person.

Bee said...

It made crazy peeps, crazier.

Bee said...

Yup! nutso!

Bee said...

ONE HUNDRED!!!!!!!!

Jean Knee said...

I knew you might do that so I ran over here so I could do it


DANG

I couldn't see the eclipse because of clouds. it was dark so at least those dreadful coyotes kept their yaps shut

Jean Knee said...

I've been crafting some especially "so sweet you want to tear your eyes out" stuff and missed 100


if you steal my rightful 100th spot again I will send it to you and then you'll have to display it or hurt my feelings.......

we're talking lace, pearls, tiny glittered eggs

Bee said...

Well then, I'll have to try again. ;op

Brian o Vretanos said...

Tracy:

Sounds like no-one's going to get food poisoning from your cooking. I can't believe it's bad, given that everyone in your household is thriving.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

You're the only person to be 101th on my blog, I think.

Bee:

I'm glad you enjoyed the moon, or lack of it. I didn't wait up for it.

Jean Knee said...

and oh so cute chicks....forgot about them

Jean Knee said...

when I was in the sixth grade I rode bus 101. the driver's name was Nelson, he was wayyy kewl

101 is a good number

Jean Knee said...

way to go Brian. You've blinded NCS with your Nantucket limerick.


you do realize most of my readers and lurkers are Church going women

except not me or Bee

Bee said...

I'm sorry but picturing NCS looking up Man from Nantucket almost had me squirting coffee from my good nostril!

Bee said...

The other having been damaged in a prior coffee squirting incident.

Bee said...

111!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bee said...

HA! In your face all of y'all!!!!

Bee said...

Hmmmmm... do you think blogger can keep up with One Thousand One Hundred and Eleven comments? I'm tempted to test it. Is your inbox big enough Brian?

















That's what she said!!!
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Jean Knee said...

111 has no significance whatsoever


and now ther's glitter and a folded lace fan....

Jean Knee said...

Oh man now I just squirted chocolate milk all over
snooort

Jean Knee said...

Well, is it Brian? enquiring minds want to know

Bee said...

::sigh::
He's pobably busy typing a new post.

Jean Knee said...

after all the work we put into this one? sigh

Jean Knee said...

Brian, are you there? at the pub? shopping? eating curry?
watching your five tv channels?

you aren't ignoring us are you?

Jean Knee said...

you better not be solving math problems...that would be just too much

Brian o Vretanos said...

121st! Ha! Ha!

Brian o Vretanos said...

121 = 11 x 11, as Jean Knee said, 111 has very little significance.

I have just returned from the pub, where, funnily enough, someone gave me a logic puzzle to solve. Which I did. And I had a burger there.

Brian o Vretanos said...

My inbox will I'm sure swell to whatever size is needed...

I wouldn't have said that if I wasn't tanked up on Guinness...

Jean Knee said...

quit bragging, that is soo not kewl

Bee said...

Guiness...
)@( ::blech::

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

I'm not really in a state to type a new post, I'm afraid.

Talking of post, A card came that says there's a grey bag waiting for me at the post office. This will be another mailbag - no doubt containing my fan mail.

Jean Knee:

Have you any ideas for good craty things I could do with grey mailbags? I'll have two of them once I've collected this one.

Jean Knee said...

you could carry mail in them

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?

Bee said...

Your getting another male hag?? What??

Dan said...

holy shit !!
129 , now 130 comments !!

Jean Knee said...

male bag

yeah I didn't know bags had a gender either

Dan said...

next person to comment on mine will be 11th !!!
Bee
why the hell did you put in my profile that I was in Fashion ?

Bee said...

Cuz you are, don't be shy.

Bee said...

Brian, it's only 8:49 pm over by you, keep up noexcuses about being hammered!

Jean Knee said...

so Dan, lets hear more about your fashion career...

Jean Knee said...

next one to comment on my blog can be the honorary 11 th

Tracy said...

Who else can say that they rocked the 137th comment? Huh? Nobody? oh that's right, because I DID!
You know though, I noticed that most of the comments are from Bee and Jean Knee. Chatty chatty chatty.
And Brian, the main reason my children are thriving is because my husband is an Italian kitchen God.

Jean Knee said...

all comments count Tracy.



So Brian, how's that guiness feeling this morning?

Jean Knee said...

what was in the mail bag?

Bee said...

140!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bee said...

th

Brian o Vretanos said...

Tracy:

137th! Wow! Italian cooking: Nice!

Jean Knee:

Considering I didn't drink that much, and I did my drinking early, I had no ill effects.

I've just come back from the Post Office. No cookies - just a couple of books from Cyprus.

Jean Knee said...

what did ya do with the bag?
or is it hag?

Bee said...

Brian, can you see my T-Shirt? It says:
I was First AND Eleventh on jean knee's new post!
In. Your. Face. Brian!

Jean Knee said...

Brian you're the second to know
I will soon be dancing naked and herb laden in the moonlight with witches! yessssss

Jean Knee said...

she lyin
she wearin purple pants and a pukey sweater

Brian o Vretanos said...

Mailbags:

I put it with the other one. I'm starting a collection. Maybe they'll come in useful one day.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

I was going to offer to come round and wash your dishes for you, but I'm not sure I want to see such an exhibition - the thought of those herbs being chucked around...

Brian o Vretanos said...

149...

Brian o Vretanos said...

150!

Bee said...

bRIAN, DID YOU JUST THREATEN TO PUT ME IN A MAIL BAG IN PIECES??

Jean Knee said...

he's all snarkish today, it's from his hangover.

Bee did you get your invite? check your blog

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

The way it works, is that you put whole things in mailbags, and they get to the other end in pieces. Especially if you write "fragile" on them...

If you want to post yourself somewhere, then you can borrow my mailbags. I wonder how much the postage would be, say, to somewhere warm like Hawaii?

Bee said...

Jean knee, I did and I'll have to decline cuz my wares are not for public viewing.

Brian, if they charge by wieght I'm SOL!

Later dudes, I have to do some "work" now. :o{