For those who like me are capable of getting very lost, the in-car global, erm, globe will be ideal. It combines the traditional with something that's on a suitable scale for someone liable to end up on the wrong continent. The kind of thing that happened to Bugs Bunny when he took that wrong turn at Alberquerque.
I only nipped out to the supermarket...Another invaluable tool for the geographically challenged motorist is the backseat driver. They are always completely certain of what turn to take. So much so that even when you've done what they suggested the last ten times you hit that junction, they will be unwavering the eleventh time.
The passer-by is another useful source of information. This is never any good for me, as I can't even understand directions for places that I do know, never mind somewhere strange, but some people don't seem to have this problem. However, make sure that the passer-by is on his or her own. Like watches, it's never a good idea to consult more than one. They'll spend forever arguing about completely different ways to go until you are even more confused than before. And probably have acquired several parking tickets.
You could go all hi-tech with a satnav device. However, they are far from perfect. You really don't want this sort of thing happening to you. I don't know if this is the same story that I heard about, but due to a road closure lots of people were directed through a ford, which provided a bit of extra income to a local farmer who was towing them out with his tractor.
Personally, though, I prefer good old fashioned maps. The only problem is with trying to read them and drive, so I suppose that my ideal navigational aids would therefore be a map and a chauffeur.
Even better would be a chauffer who knows where she's going... Oh, well, maybe when I'm a millionaire...
27 comments:
First!
Hahahahahahahahahah!
I would like to know when that woman had the "Oh Shit" moment with that ford because she was really in there!
I need one of those navagational things. I can't read maps or road signs. I leave my house on a road trip not ever exactly sure where I'm going to end up.
I'm horrible at this also, I go east when I should go west and south when I need to go north, the wife will say somthing like
"turn north at the next light" I'm like WTF way is north, just say left or right woman !
I like the globe affixed to the dash.
My MIL brought hers with her the last time she visited and delighted every time I took the "wrong" route. Even though I've lived around here 40 plus years I don't know the proper way to go anywhere.
Yet another person who should wear that shirt when with me.
Andy knows his way around the city and burbs so I never tell him he's going the wrong way.
My thing is:
"WHY ARE YOU SPEEDING??"
"CAN YOU GET ANY CLOSER TO THAT CAR?"
"IF YOU GET CLOSER TO THAT CAR YOU'LL BE SUED FOR LEWD CONDUCT!!"
Yeah, I'm a sweetie.
Brian, I'm in second place. I needs yar votes!
Come one. I voted for you a million times on WI, even when I didn't know what youw ere saying.
Tracy:
Well done. Yes, you'd have thought she'd notice sooner - she must have had her windows closed ;-)
Dan:
I'm no good at actually understanding the relationship between different places - I know I can get from A to B by going down a certain set of roads, which might take miles dispite the fact that A and B are actually a few yards away. I certainly don't do compass directions.
Jean Knee:
None of us would be any good as taxi drivers by the sound of things...
Bee:
I'm sure you never speed, never drive aggressively. I'm sure you drive better than most nuns ;-)
Did you really vote for me? Anyway, I've just voted, but you're still in second place. To be quite honest I didn't find most of them funny, and I don't think that any of the others are better than yours.
Brian, that was the nicest way of saying “yours is equally crappy”!
That’s what I like about you Brian, you keep me grounded.
what's WI, I wanna vote for you Brian!
Bee's was the veryy best one I read.
ELEVENTH!!
I'm taking a mental day off due to my piece of crap day yesterday.
No, I'm not home. I'm at work but I figure if the rest of this dummies can do it, so can I!
Thank you! A vote for me is a vote for free Yellow Highlighters!
Jean Knee:
You did the right thing not reading the others. They were rubbish.
Bee:
I wouldn't put it that strongly. I don't think yours is brilliant, but it did get a smile, which is more than I can say for the others. The one about wiping with the other hand was the next best...
Helena and I saw some real bats today. They give me the creeps...
You had to bring up the nun didn't you??
I'll get even one day! (with the nun, not you)
WAR BRIAN!!!! THIS MEANS WAR!!
Didn't I clearly say I dislike that chick intensely??
Anyway, I had 4 others he didn't use.
Why does Sonny keep staring at my ass?
4/4/2008 12:21:26 PM
Bee said...
Trimming my fingernails with your teeth shows your loyalty to the family.
4/4/2008 12:24:34 PM
Bee said...
Well, I guess I can lick the cheese off your hand, if that’s what you want me to do… ??
4/4/2008 12:28:39 PM
Bee said...
How many times do I have to kiss your hand before you'll give me a free book??
Sonny: "I don't know why pop likes people to blow raspberries on his hand! I like 'em on my tummy."
Yeah, they look like little bald old women. :o)
The bats I mean.
Bee:
I didn't look to see that it was your arch enemy who said that.
The one of yours that he did use is the best, I think.
My first thought:
"Mmmm! You know my wife uses that very same perfume!"
Ha! That's funny!
My fav is the cheese one but I should have added Cheeto Cheese cuz that's what I meant.
And she's not my archnemesis, she doesn't have the creative brain power to be anything more than a "gum on the shoe" type of annoyance.
Sorry, that was mean. But true.
I hate gum on my shoe
AND
my effing refrigerator is out again. I've banged and kicked and shook and yelled, so far nothing
I like bats, except for the possibility of rabies thing
Jean Knee:
Kicking and shaking and banging and yelling - you sound like an expert in domestic appliance maintenance. Where did you learn that?
I realise that other than carrying some horrible diseases - even in this country there's something they carry (not rabies, of course) - bats don't really harm people, but they still give me the creeps...
Snakes give me the creeps. There's just something not natural about them being able to go faster than me and they have no legs nor are they in water. Oh and they can eat things that are like ten times bigger than they are. Creepy.
I had a bat land on my shirt one time. Right in between my boobs. I ran around the yard screaming my head off and then I took my shirt off and while I was standing in the middle of my yard in only my bra feeling lucky that I narrowly escaped the evil bat, I realised that all of my nieghbors were staring at me. Embarrassing.
Tracy:
I was in the pub one night when someone I knew got a phone call from his neighbour. Her husband was away and there was a bat in her bedroom. We went over, but neither of us were exactly bat catching material - we were both nervous of the thing, and using a variety of kitchen implements we did get the thing out, by luck more than anything...
We saw some snakes yesterday too. I don't mind them when they're in cages.
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