Dan asked me to provide a bluffer's guide to Texas (i.e. written by a bluffer).
EVERYTHING'S BIG IN TEXAS
Texas is the second-largest state in the US, covering an area approximately the size of France. Unlike France, the natives are reasonably friendly, and they speak English. Like France they have plenty of great places to eat:
And of course, we're talking about the home of Tex Mex. D A N, . . . T E X A S . I S . C A L L I N G !
One great reason to retire to Texas is the climate. The state is number one for greenhouse emissions and tornados, and there are some breathtaking views:
GREAT PEOPLE .......C O M E . O N , D A N. . . Y O U ' L L . L O V E . I T . H E R E!
You'll really love some of the local characters. Rumour has it that one woman keeps dried reptiles and deceased pets in her freezer. And of course, family values are very important to Texans:
L I S T E N . T O . Y O U R . W I F E , - D A N
Yes, Dan, the main reason why you should definitely retire here is that you will save a fortune in hair products. Just get yourself one of those ten gallon hats.
Yes, I know it's unfair to mention the snow, since it depends which area you live in, and it will generally be a lot hotter than Chicago, and that it's unfair to mention the greenhouse gasses when Texas refines oil for the whole of the US. Any subliminal messages are entirely coincidental. This blog is not sponsored by the Texas Tourism Board. Or anyone else. Are you still reading this?