I was feeling hungry this morning, so I made myself some breakfast:
I couldn't help noticing something strange on the label of the mustard:
Not the fact that they give you 397 grams of mustard and are too stingy to just round it up to 400, not the fact that they have a picture of a hotdog laced with French's, but rather the small print next to this picture which says "Serving Suggestion". They put this on food labels so that you don't think that you're getting all the items pictured.
I know they're an American company, but are they seriously worried about getting sued because a customer squeezed all of the mustard out of the bottle thinking that a hotdog was going to emerge, complete with a bread roll?
Years ago I remember watching a TV programme where they got people to send "Serving Suggestions". So I had a look around my kitchen and found the following examples.
Note the half-eaten bread next to the bowl, and the sprig of green stuff in the soup.
These sprigs appear everywhere. Do people always keep a spare mushroom handy to chuck on the table when they're serving tinned mushroom soup? Well, they would if they paid more attention to the suggestions.
The picture is completely wrong, anyway. I never serve mushroom soup like this. I only have it to make Green Bean Casserole. Maybe I should send Campbell's a photo. I bet their sales would rocket.
Yet more sprigs. The only reason they need the small print is because the products don't come with them. Sack the legal team and spend the money on giving us a sprig...
I find this last one baffling:
This is from some microwavable vegetable rice. People who buy this type of product don't have fresh garden peas, corn and peppers in their house. Believe me, I know.
I was surprised that there were no "Serving Suggestions" on Sainsbury's Humous. So I've produced the following, which I'm hoping they'll pay me good money for. I didn't have a sprig handy, but that can always be added later. What do you think?
Don't give up the day job? I thought so. Well, that's a very helpful suggestion, thankyou.