Saturday, 20 September 2008

Cross My Palm With Silver


Whilst perusing today's "Simerini" paper, I happened to look at the horoscopes. Now, I know that I shouldn't doubt the soothsaying abilities of Maria Eleutheriou without waiting to see what the rest of the day brings, but I suspect that her prediction for Aquarius that "Love gives another dimension to your day" is unlikely to be very accurate, especially as I'm not planning to go anywhere.

However, Scorpios should perhaps heed the paper's warning not to fall into temptation (which Ms Eleutheriou tells us will be difficult to resist) and endanger a stable relationship, especially if they've recently been showered with "gifts" by a tall, older man. (okay, she didn't actually mention that last bit).

Anyway, I think I can do much better, so here is my prediction. This is provided as a service to my readers, and there's no charge, but you are welcome to send me money, preferably in the form of precious metals, given the state of the economy. I'm not going to abuse my supernatural powers and frighten you with what'll happen if you don't.



My Prediction and Advice for This Weekend

General:

Things will not go entirely to plan this weekend. There will be problems involving people close to you. Try to face these with your usual good humour, imagination and violence.

Financial:

Beware of people trying to swindle you - in particular, I see an email which you should avoid answering. You will wish that you had more money, but do not let this tempt you into doing anything drastic, such as robbing a bank. If you do, you will find that they don't have any either.

Love:

Although I know exactly how your love life will pan out this weekend, I can assure you that telling you would not help matters. All I'm able to say is that murder is not the answer. Not this weekend, anyway.

Lottery:

Don't bother - even if you buy a ticket, you won't win the jackpot. However, if you insist on ignoring this advice, I can reveal that the number 1 will be of significance.

Lucky Colour: Brownish blue with just a hint of fluorescent pink.

Today's Fortune Cookie (courtesy of my computer): "Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure."


There you go. You won't even need to get a Chinese meal this weekend.

15 comments:

for a different kind of girl said...

As a Scorpio, I suspect I'll be locked away in my room today, alone and with no outside influences, so as not to fall victim or prey to temptation. This is already partly how I spend most Saturdays, so I'm relieved in feeling so safe!

Brian o vretanos said...

FADKOG:

I hope that means your weekend will be a relaxing one.

Jean Knee said...

what about gemini?? huh huh huh

you are uncannily close to my magic 8 ball predictions. amazing

Bee said...

Brian, you just ruined my whole weekend! I was soo looking forward to Chinese food.

Bee said...

Also, I promise that anything I do will be met with my usual violence. I just threw another coffee cup at the door because I can't find a pen. Don't worry, the coffee cup was empty.

Brian o vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

I think I'm mistranslating something here, but it says:

"Improve your quality of life by being diplomatic. Don't be too perfectionist in your goals, or you will achieve nothing."

Brian o vretanos said...

Bee:

You can have some Chinese food, but if you were only getting it for the fortune cookie, you wouldn't have to bother...

Glad the prediction is coming true ;-)

Chris Wood said...

Where did you get the picture of me in my pre-beard days?

Chris Wood said...

PS I'm a Pisces. Which is an apt thing, as I'm just going out to liquidise my assets.

Brian o vretanos said...

Chris:

The photo dates back to 1927, which presumably was before your beard.

Have a good time at the pub!

Bee said...

ELEVENTH!!!

Jean Knee said...

gee, my magic 8 ball said ask again later

Dan said...

I'm also a Scorpio.....temptation is good, falling for it even better.
I'm tempted to eat some Ice Cream.

Brian o vretanos said...

Dan:

Well, providing it doesn't harm your relationship, I'm sure it will be okay...

catscratch said...

You are a gifted, talented man.