Napolean after we beat the crap out of himHave you heard the paradox of the barber? It goes like this: There is a village in which the barber shaves all those men who do not shave themselves. This sounds reasonable until you ask "Who shaves the barber?". If the barber does not shave himself then the statement says that he does, which is logically contradictory. If he does shave himself then he doesn't. Sort of. He can't have a beard, because then he doesn't shave himself. The barber can be a woman, but that's cheating.
Have I lost you yet?
In the first of a series of 365 posts, Bee talked about her "lack of lack". It wasn't until I'd sufficiently woken up my brain with copious quantities of alcohol (well it was New Year's Day) that I realised that there was, to quote Private Eye, "Shome mishtake shurely". If you lack lack then you lack nothing, but you still lack something, i.e. lack. Maybe it was a typo. Maybe she meant "Lack of luck". Or "Lack of lock", though I don't think that Practical Husband Andy would let their house lack a lock, but she could be bald. However, none of these look like typos, since "u" and "o" are a long way from "a" on the keyboard. "Lack of lqck" doesn't have the same ring to it.
Maybe a letter didn't come out and she meant "Lack of black" (lipstick?). Which reminded me of Graham Rawle's "Lost Consonants". I couldn't see my favourite, which was "Napolean defeated in his trousers". Accompanied of course by a picture of Napolean looking very uncomfortable.
I'm sure, though, that Bee really meant "lack of slacks" (maybe her "s" key isn't working properly). Which describes Napolean after he hit himself...
Totally Unrelated Footnote: According to some sources, Napolean was 5'2" tall.
28 comments:
GREAT!! Now you made my brain hurt!
At the moment I lack the ability to leave a proper comment. It's 4 degrees outside! 4! With the wind chill it's minus 10.
I'll be bahck!
Never really thought about how a missing consonant here and there could change History
5'2" what a shrimp, no wonder he looks all sa .
I'm guessing you like those zen cones, huh? see what spelling can mess up? mmm, guru ted, give me a lick
if you, in any way understood this, let meknow
How tall was he when he wore heels?
I'm elevated to 5'5-5'6. I'm sure he'd be jealous if he were alive.
Also, that's were the "Napoleon Complex" comes from, did you know that? Yeah, true story. Short people who think they're all powerful/invincible/bee-utiful, except in my case it's true.
BTW:
I don't lack black lipstick. As a witchy vampire, I always have copious amounts of that in my make up bag.
Jean Knee:
Still thinking...
I keep thinking Guru Ted = Father Al ;-)
Bee:
Not sure if Napolean wore heels, but taking over Europe is a little bit of an extreme reaction to being vertically challenged.
Extremes:
That's what you say cuz you're a giant.
What better way to show how bad ass you are than to rule the world?
The other question I have for you is, do you memorize all Gilbert and Sullivan musicals??
no no, guru ted is an entirely theoretical person who likes koans and cones
I'm guessing you like koans too
whatever, i knew it was senseless
Bee:
I was very interested in G&S many years ago, and know a lot of them by heart, yes.
Jean Knee:
Koan - is that some kind of knot? I'm not doing well with this, am I?
Oh good lord brian- a zen koan (probably not spelling it right)
those paradoxical little ditties
This is why I don't do stand up comedy-even I can't tell why it's funny
Look at that, I just nagged you and we aren't even married
Brian, my brother Dan has a question for you on my blog. He thinks you know the answers to everything!
don't make me sic Bee on you
Don't feel bad jean knee, sometimes he doesn't "get" our american sense of humor. Or maybe we're just not funny...
Jean Knee:
Still don't get A zen coan - as Bee says, it must be American.
Bee:
Dan's Question: Not well researched, but answered. I've just come back from work and am half asleep (can't sleep because of this sodding cold). There's probably something online about it - haven't checked yet...
Bee:
We have humour over here, which is different ;-)
zen koan- a paradoxical thing to ponder like a snake eating his own tail,
then the lost consonants- take off a letter and it changes the meaning
so i said ha like zen cones-only I spelled it different, like ice cream cones--
then guru Ted give me a lick of your koan,cone
see? it is so dang hilarious.
you might as well squirt me with a hose
okay scrap the former mess i babbled, here's the real comment:
hee hee
Hee hEE
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BLOCK ME OFF YER BLOG ARE YA?
JEAN KNEE! You are one of the funniest people I have ever encountered in my life!!
I'm over here laughing so hard I almost wet myself!
Cuz of the coffee I almost spilled... gutter minds!
spilt?
Jean Knee:
You provide the only sanity there is on this blog. A frightening thought, isn't it?
That reminds me of the Irish joke about Paddy falling down a flight of stairs with a whole crate of Guinness. He didn't spill a drop because he kept his mouth shut.
hee, hee
Wait, was that an Irish joke? cuz I have an Irish last name (sur name-whatever)
and again hee hee
I'm getting the hang of it,see
Jean Knee,
Hee Hee,
A Poet, she
Is, you see.
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