House Guests

I was reading about the man in New Jersey who burnt down 80% of his flat whilst trying to rid himself of unwanted house guests, of the creepy crawly variety. I understand exactly how he feels.

I don't mind flies, or mosquitos, but I don't want to share my flat with moths, wasps, or worst of all eight-legged monsters. In fact, if I had a flame thrower, or a kalashnikov for that matter, my flat would be in a similar state as his by now.


Incidentally, that's a very entertaining film, and the special effects aren't bad, considering its age.

Anyway, I'm not massively keen on pets either, though we did have cats when I was a child. Unlike my sister, I was never that keen on things like Lassie, where a brainless animal saves lives and solves crimes on a weekly basis.

However, one couple in Melbourne, Australia have been saved from an agonising death by their pet rabbit, which woke them up to tell them that their house was burning down.

My flat's not really the right place for pets, and they're banned under the lease, but then I have smoke detectors, so I'm probably okay. The flat is also a bit small for a family of five to move in, so I'm hoping that Tracy will be so taken by the Australian rabbits that she'll want to emigrate to Melbourne. After all, the kids will spend all their time playing with the rabbits, so she won't need a nanny.

Nellie Melba

It's a great place. People sit around all day drinking beer (well, the men do whilst the Sheilas fetch it for them), and they have produced great opera singers such as Nellie Melba (named after Melbourne) and Joan Sutherland, not to mention painter, singer and digeridoo player Rolf Harris. Though fortunately for the Australians, he lives in Britain. They got rid of him after he made this:



If only I could persuade all the dog owners whose animals turn my daily walk to work into a shitty obstacle course to emigrate...