This is your Captain speaking. We welcome you on board flight D 00 M. Please make yourselves comfortable. The cabin crew will shortly be dispensing drinks, but we do ask you in the meantime to familiarise yourself with the supplied incomprehensible safety card. This gives helpful suggestions about ways you might like to spend your last seconds desperately but vainly trying to survive a crash. Not that anything bad is going to happen.
Thankyou, and enjoy the rest of your journey.
This is your Captain speaking. We shall be landing shortly, so please fasten your seatbelts... (To copilot) No! Not that lever! ...
Meanwhile the passengers all spill their cocktails.
Modern aircraft are designed for every emergency. The passengers can be thankful that their seatbelts and the aircraft's robust engineering have protected them from too much injury.
Well, okay, perhaps I spoke too soon.