Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Wordy Wednesday - The Final Frontiers

Chocolate Trip

Sometimes people are lucky. The marketing people at Kit Kat must be breathing a sigh of relief, now that their promotional competition for a trip into space has been won by a young, slim French air hostess.


After all, chocolate and space travel don't really go together. Imagine if the competition had been won by a wannabe astronaut who was so eager to win that he or she now resembles a sumo-wrestler? And it's probably nauseating enough to be blasted into space without ODing on chocolate first.

Fast Food Wild West Style

On the other hand, it is good for snack manufacturers to encourage people to go out and about. For example, how about McDonald's giving customers the chance to win a VIP trip to a cattle ranch, and ride with the cowboys? We all know someone who'd love this, don't we, Dan?


It would of course have to include a visit to a slaughterhouse. Pay particular attention to the bit where they steam the last bits of gristle off the bones - that's this evening's Big Mac meal in the making.

Water, Water, Everywhere

Dasani could offer a trip in a submarine, to see where the water really comes from. It'll probably be about as exciting as their product:


Apparently this is actually a picture of something really exciting. I think I'll stay above sea level...

In the past frontiers such as the Wild West, Space and the Oceans were conquered by brave (and probably completely barmy) men. In the future, they'll be full of couch potato competition winners. That's progress for you.

23 comments:

Bee said...

FFFFFFFFF
IIIIIIIII
RRRRRRRRR
SSSSSSSSS
TTTTTTTTT
!!!!!!!!!

Bee said...

I almsot mispelled it and wrote "FRIST".

I missed out on the Kit Kat thing! I LOVE Kit Kats!

Exploring is overrated. You can do all the traveling via the internet and/or Travel Channel.

Brian o vretanos said...

Bee:

This particular promotion was just in France. Hopefully they'll do one in the States and you'll get your chance to send us a blog post from space.

Bee said...

Did you notice I spelled ALMOST wrong???

Seriously!!

Brian o vretanos said...

I didn't noitce.

Jean Knee said...

that space trip might suck--don't you have to save all your waste in plastic bags? eww

Brian o vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

It's not a very long flight, so they probably have some kind of toilet. It can't be any worse than Dan's ball game.

I've put a link on Dan's blog. The people building the next generation of space ships are having difficulty designing the toilet. You're in major trouble if it breaks down at the start of a 6 month mission...

Dan said...

What's so hard about building a toilet?
We need to find a good use for human waste.

Tracy said...

I agree with Bee, exploring is over rated. What they don't mention about the cattle ranch is that it's going to be really hot, the cows will be smelly and you'll probably end up sticking your arm up one of their bums just to say you did, and cowboys aren't as hot as most people think they are.

Although, I think I might start a contest where a lucky person could win a trip to my farm to frolic with the goats, gather the eggs from the chickens, work on the home renovation, and watch my kids while the nanny is gone.
Anyone interested?

Tracy said...

Also, I don't think I want to go on a deep sea exploration. I'm convinced that we haven't seen all of the living things in the ocean and I think some are scary.

Doesn't a trip to a goat farm sound much better?

Tracy said...

Being Eleventh sounds better too! :)

Brian o vretanos said...

Dan:

They're worried that too much urine will gum up their disposal system, which ejects all the waste into space. They are also worried about the acidic nature of the substance.

Brian o vretanos said...

Tracy:

All you need to do is to get a snack manufacturer to make a farm trip its first prize, and point out that it'll cost them a lot less than the space thing, which costs $200,000.

In fact, what you need to do is to persuade the people who make chocolate covered coffee beans to use the idea as a promotion. Explain that they won't have to pay you for the prize - they just need to provide you with a year's supply of their product.

Tracy said...

That's a perfect idea! I'm going to start researching companies today.

Tracy said...

Oh and are we truly dumping our waste in space now too? I guess there just isn't any place sacred that humans won't dump on.

Brian o vretanos said...

Tracy:

I suspect that dumping the astronaut's waste is about the only thing you can do on a long voyage. Space is unimaginably vast, so I don't expect anyone will notice. Or get hit by it.

Jean Knee said...

sure, that's what everyone thinks until some corrosive urine melts a intergalactic spaceship and starts the war of the worlds

Brian o vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

If that happens, we're bound to win, since we've got huge amounts of the corrosive stuff...

Dan said...

That was a good one Brian...
I'll throw my new pee pants at them!

Tracy said...

Brian-I'm sure that's what people thought when they started dumping stuff into the oceans too. Now you see fish with those plastic can holders around their necks.
One day someone will find an alien with a waste bag stuck on his foot or something.

Brian o vretanos said...

Dan:

I'm sure that'll be more than enough to repel any kind of alien invasion.

Tracy:

That's a good point. I still think we should find a way of pumping all the greenhouse gasses to Mars, though.

Tracy said...

Well, I suppose pumping them all the way to Mars would be ok. I just don't think we should get any closer than that. We may be living up there one day.

Brian o vretanos said...

Tracy:

The wonderful thing about pumping it to Mars is that it would make the atmosphere suitable for Humans (as long as you didn't overdo it, I suppose).