Sunday, 3 May 2009

The Story of Tracy, Louise and Bob - A modern fairytale


Once upon a time, in a far away land called West Virginia on a magic farm known as Rambling Acres lived Tracy. Mother of three, blogger, agony aunt. She watched bizarre adverts on TV at four in the morning so that no-one else had to.

Now, I know what you're thinking. She sounds just like your average fairy tale princess. However, she's not. She's special. No regular fairy tale character ever went around saying "gosh Dern".

Tracy had long flowing locks, ideal for allowing princes to climb to the top of high towers and rescue her. However, being a married princess (now you know where the three children fit in to the story), she decided to get her hair cut. (Feel free to gasp at this point in the narrative).

Meanwhile, in the 1920s, there lived a young woman much known in the land for her "raw sexuality". This fairy tale is PG rated, by the way, which means that parents may bring their children but might get asked embarrassing questions afterwards. Anyway, the young woman was called Louise.

Louise made a few films in the days before they had sound. The most famous of these is "Pandora's Box", in which she plays a high-class prostitute whose life goes steadily down-hill until she ends up as a dead low-class prostitute.

Louise also had short hair. It was in a style known as "Bob". I'm not sure if that's named after a gay hair stylist who first invented it, but let's say that it is, to give the children another embarrassing question to ask.


When people saw Louise's Bob, they were stunned by her good looks. And that "raw sexuality" thing. One blogger and Bob fan was even inspired to produce the Bob World Film Database, devoted to films of actresses with bobs.

When people saw Tracy's Bob they were also stunned by her good looks. And the butterfly. The land was filled with crys of "Great Bob!", and everyone said how hot Tracy looked (at least a 19-year old shop assistant did). However one blogger, called Brian, was a little uneasy. He was obviously bowled over by Tracy's amazing hairstyle, but he didn't really want to say that she reminded him of that nymphomaniac prostitute in Pandora's Box. Or that she looked like someone who was born in 1906. She might take it the wrong way and send her prince round.

Louise lived well into her 70s, though she didn't make many more films. Tracy contiues to delight her fans, and Bob is apparently alive and well, and turned 100 earlier this year. Which brings us, as in all good hairy tales, to a neat (rather than split) end.

16 comments:

Jean Knee said...

FIRST!!!!


I think this is gonna be my permanent place.

Jean Knee said...

she shouldn't remind you of Tracy because her hair is black.

and she's dead

Brian o vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

You have to remember that men don't usually notice those sorts of details.

Er, I mean they don't usually notice hair colour.

According to the BWFD Teri Hatcher in Superman and Cate Blanchet in Indiana Jones are better Tracy lookalikes, both in terms of colour and not being dead...

Jean Knee said...

and yet still the dead prostitute reminds you of Tracy

hmmm

Brian o vretanos said...

She's the one person most associated with that haircut, and as immortalized on film is considered by many to be one of the most attractive women ever.

No Cool Story said...

And Bob lived happily ever after.
The End.

No Cool Story said...

Oh sorry.
And Tracy Bob lived happily ever after.
The End.

Tracy Rambles On And On said...

Brian Dear,
There were so many things that went through my mind while reading your post.
First, I was touched and felt my ego grow a little when I saw that you had written yet another post about me.
Then you made me a beautiful princess. I have always thought of myself that way so it was nice to see that someone else agreed.
Then you said that I "looked hot, or atleast a 19 year old shop assistant said so" which made me think "What the hell?" Are you saying that YOU don't think I'm hot??? Cause I am, you know.
Then you compared me to a movie character who was a high-end prostitute who ended up as a "cheap dead prostitute". This also caused a "What the hell" moment. But then I rememebered that Pretty Woman made prostitution romantic so I let it go.
In conclusion, thank you for the post, the kind of compliment, and for making me a princess/cheap dead prostitute.

Dan said...

I second the 19 year olds opinion.

Dan said...

Tracy, We get our hairs cut at the same place.

Brian o vretanos said...

NCS:

Thankyou for that.

Tracy:

I don't think anyone's disputing your hotness. Not even Dan.

Dan:

Have you gone for a bob cut too?

Bee said...

Damn, now I want a Bob.

I think Tracy's new do looks hawt.

Chris Wood said...

100, eh? Obviously his life suited him!

Rhonda said...

I'm looking forward to the fairy tale about Bee.

Brian o vretanos said...

Bee:

Bee Bob has a certain ring to it...

Chris:

Apparently a Frenchman called Antoine cut the first Bob in 1909.

Rhonda:

What a good idea! I'll have to give it some thought...

Jean Knee said...

FIRST!!