Monday, 24 March 2008

24th March 2108

As you all know I notched up my first hundred years of blogging last October. I threatened then to do restrospectives from time to time (You know - "On this day 100 years ago"), especially when I get low on material.

However, today I'm going to give you the post I didn't write on 24th March 2008. I didn't write it because I didn't know at the time what was happening.

Looking back on that day, I see that it was nothing special. I'd posted a "Scary Jean Knee Special" a few days previously, and Jean Knee was talking about her concerns about a zombie invasion.

If I'd paid attention to her, I would have taken defensive measures. I would have gone out and got protective clothing, of the sort that can't be bitten through, and I would not have eaten that egg.

Ironically, I had been reading Jean Knee's post about chocolate eggs, and had commented that they were too sickly. Nevertheless, in the interests of science, I decided to try a few, so I'd gone out and bought some - they were being sold off cheap after Easter.

Little did any of us know at the time that a particular batch of eggs had been made with milk tainted with bacteria. It's not surprising that no-one knew, since it was not detectable by any of the routine tests carried out on foodstuffs.

I only realised about a week later when someone commented that I was walking like a chicken, whilst I was on my way to the butchers to buy some tripe. By then the first medically verified cases of zombification started to be reported.

As one of the pioneering "New Zombies", life was difficult. Of course I didn't go to the doctor - I would have been "cured" (i.e. killed), since in those days they didn't have zombie food, so we had to rely on biting people.

I kept blogging as if nothing had happened. I didn't dare talk about it. It was agony to hear about Jean Knee's fate. She'd predicted that she only had a 33% chance in a Zombie attack, and she was right. I knew it was my kind who did that to her. I'm glad that she didn't blame me personally for it, and that the 33% of her that was left has still managed to produce such entertaining blog posts and comments this past century.


Bee had managed to avoid the invasion, since she was out buying shoes at the time. Though if anyone could have outrun a Zombie in stilettos it would have been her. Tracy was also unaffected (they didn't get round to invading West Virginia for some reason).

As we look forward to this year's possible election of the first Zombie President of the United States (medical evidence has recently been found to prove that despite what many people believe this wasn't Ronald Reagan), it's amazing how far equal rights have come in such a short space of time.

I might write more on the subject another day, but right now I'm going to grab my shroud and go out for a shuffle...

25 comments:

Bee said...

FIRST!!

Bee said...

And here I was going to invite both of you over for a light lunch. Sorry I can't now since I'd don't like the idea of being the main course.

Maybe once you're "cured"?

Bee said...

BTW (a wise guy once pointed out this meant *By The Way*), I made a decision to wear a nice pair of shoes on April fools day. Come snow or high water!

Dan said...

I want to be a Zombie too.

Tracy said...

Whew, I'm so glad I made it! They must have gotten frightened by the sound of dueling banjos.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Don't worry, we'll only take a little bit each. Think of it as an alternative to dieting...

Dan:

You just have to get bitten by another undead monster. Perhaps your boss's wife?

Tracy:

I expect that zombies stick mainly to areas that are densely populated (by people), since that's all they eat.

Jean Knee said...

the only true test to see if you are infected is to run and let someone watch. If you look like a mechanical duck that barely moves it's arms, you've got it.


In regards to Ronnie Reagan--he had Alzheimer's which has many of the same characteristics of Zombiefication and in fact used to be misdiagnosed frequently just as hearing voices used to be interpreted as hearing god and being a prophet which now is diagnosed and treated with lithium

not that I know about that first hand or anything--see I can't even spell lythium

run on sentences used to be a sign of something disturbing but for the life of me I can't remember what

BEE said...

At first, I thought Brian was exaggerating your Zombification. I really did but now that you've explained it to me all scientific-like... now I'm scaurd!

Bee said...

Brian, have you changed time zones yet??

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

The mechanical duck thing will probably get named the Jean Knee Syndrome, or something. I've always wondered how people like Alzheimer and Parkinson felt about having diseases named after them.

Altzheimer's is certainly a cruel illness. The proportion of sufferers is something frightening like 50% of 70 year olds - or is it 75 year olds? In any case, it's the sort of thing that the healthy living advocates conveniently ignore when encouraging people to live longer.

Did he have Alzheimer's when he was president? With his finger on the nuclear button???

Bee:

Our clocks go forwards on Sunday.

Jean Knee said...

yes he did have it with his finger on the button, they tried to say it was only the beginning stages but who really knows

Jean Knee said...

my direct tv has been restored to me

I haven't watched anything yet but I'm sure I will soon

Brian o Vretanos said...

What's Direct TV?

Jean Knee said...

like cable, so you can get more than one channel

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

They have similar things here. The idea is that 5 channels all broadcasting the same crap isn't enough.

I sometimes watch Greek Sky TV as well as RIK, so I have two channels...

Jean Knee said...

we watched a show called House last night. I have to say we really weren't missing anything since the gustnado blew out our tv



How come the zombie girl (who has nice non Peter Pan hair by the way) has hairy teeth? is that someone's scalp caught on her braces or did the teeth grow hair.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Does she? It's difficult to tell whether it's just her own hair that she's got caught. But if she's eating brains, then you're probably right about the scalp...

Jean Knee said...

I saw that zombie walk, it looked kewl

Jean Knee said...

the sound of crickets is deafening.... oh god, they've got Brian. ohhh nooooes

Jean Knee said...

BRIAN!!

Bee said...

HA hA! I think the Zombies are digesting him by now.

Jean Knee said...

can an undead thing actually digest, or do they just always have that empty feeling because they are soul less

Jean Knee said...

I'm gonna steal your heckler, Bee

Brian o Vretanos said...

I'm here - my internet connection was off for some reason.

Why would crickets try to eat me?

Jean Knee said...

crickets always chirp after a zombie invasion has wiped a population out.
I didn't make that up, it's a known fact