Saturday, 29 March 2008

For Medicinal Purposes Only


The other night I woke up at about 2am, unable to sleep. So I did what I usually do and watched some TV. They were showing a repeat of "kalitera Mazi", an afternoon programme that I don't usually see.

They had a "Colour Therapist" on who was explaining how she makes a living, as far as I could tell, by telling people how to choose what colours to wear. The colour of your clothes apparently has an effect on your health.

This is because different coloured fabrics absorb different frequencies of light, so the light energy that hits your skin is different.

Now, I'm very sceptical when it comes to "alternative" medicine. The kind of "medicine" which people will swear definitely works, and yet when anyone gathers statistics they can't find any proof. The sort of medicine that cures ailments which haven't got definite physical symptoms, and yet can't cure, say, cancer.

Nevertheless, I've worked out what colours can really make a difference. If you look at a rainbow, it's the colour at the very end. The pot of gold.

I'm going to set up in business as a "money therapist". The idea is that the kind and amount of money that you keep on your person channels different types of energy through your body.

Just because I'm among friends here, I'm going to give you all a free diagnosis session. No, it's okay, you don't need to thank me, I'm just doing it to make you all healthier and happier.

I think that you're all weighed down by the money that you carry. Not so much by the notes and coins that you have in your wallets and purses, but by the plastic money. In order to become more carefree and well-balanced you need to channel that negative energy away from yourselves.

Simply check your credit and debit card balances. Work out how much you can afford to spend on them. Frightening, isn't it? Just think of every dollar and cent as a crippling weight. Because I'm so altruistic and because you're people I care about, I'll make the ultimate sacrifice and take your burden from you.

What do reckon? Try it and see. If it works, then I'll become a full time therapist and spread happiness and health throughout the world. The colour of money. That's the best medicine...

All major credit cards accepted.

20 comments:

Jean Knee said...

you sound like the dudes that repaired my microwave.

and the direct tv guys

probably all brits

Brian o Vretanos said...

And all successful at extorting money out of you, er I mean at providing you with a quality service and a very reasonable price...

Brian o Vretanos said...

Where is everyone? Is there some special event on today? A shoe sale or something???

Dan said...

I had to work on Saturday !!!!!
No one should ever have to get up at 3:40 am on a Saturday!!!!

I hate tree huggers all all that alternative crap.

Dan said...

I saw a real study on the news about how the amount of sleep you get affects your sex drive, the conclution was that if you're tired due to lack of sleep you have less sex. NO FUCKEN SHIT!!!!

They even proved this to you by keeping a fuit fly awake and when they brought in the female he didn't jump on her, then they showed you that a well rested fuit fly is quick to jump on the female.

How much money was spent doing this reasearch ???!!!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Dan:

That's a pain. 3.40 am is definitely an inhuman time to be up...

Brian o Vretanos said...

Dan:

What I want to know is - who thought of researching it in the first place?

Personally I'd have suggested researching alcohol and sex drive. Volunteers are either going to get drunk or laid or both. That sounds like something worth spending money on ;-)

Dan said...

yeah, I'd be "up" for that.

Jean Knee said...

Direct tv may not have won.
The wind blew our satellite dish so it didn't pick anything up. They wanted $79.00 to come out and adjust the dish. Or we could pay $25.00 for the service call and add $6.00 to our bill every month for a year. Then they wouldn't give us the compass settings so we could set it ourselves. so we cancelled it.
Then we get a bill for it anyway, call company say we cancelled, they're crazy cable makes adjustments for free yadda.
They finally say okay service call is free and we get $10.00 off our monthly bill for our inconvenience.

Now if we get billed correctly next month we may have "won".

but, yes, I totally got the shaft on the microwave.

Jean Knee said...

nice banter, boys

Bee said...

Did somebody say shoe sale???

I was observing Earth Hour only I took it a bit further and made Earth Day and conserved as much energy as I could.
No Computer/TV/Music, I grabbed a book and red it all in a few hours.

I hate those alternative medicine freaks!

Dan, W T F ???? Fruit flies? How do they know when they're sleeping? How did they know it was well rested and jumped the girl fly? Did it smoke a cigarette afterwards??

Bee said...

BRIAN! The ZOMBIES are here in the US!

Bee said...

"I grabbed a book and red it all in a few hours."
I, of course, meant "READ it"

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

How very green of you. I didn't know they had in the US. They might have had it here, but I wouldn't know, of course.

I kept the computers off for a few hours yesterday and read a short story about space travel. Not as impressive as a whole book, I know.

What zombies?

Jean Knee:

That really was extortion with the satellite people...

Brian o Vretanos said...

Ah, those zombies...

Tracy said...

Dan-are they saying that we are on the same intelligence level as fruit flys? I hate those things.

Brian-With the hubby and I both being in the medical field, we are both very cautious of alternative medicines. I'll have to really think this over befor I give you my information.

Jean Knee said...

I saw where Demi Moore let leaches suck on her body starting in her belly button to detoxify her body. She paid somebody to put leaches on her. She felt refreshed afterwards though, probably due to anemia.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Tracy:

It's okay, you can keep your details, I just need your money ;-)

Jean Knee:

Apparently they are considering using leaches in hospitals. However I have no plans to become a leach therapist - I don't even like spiders ;-)

Bee said...

Brian, it's now 9:19 pm your time.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

And in 15 minutes it'll be 22:22

Amazing!

I'm going to watch "Stories of the Village" and go to bed...