Friday, 7 March 2008

Fashion Page

Reading Bee's eulogy of Vinny has made me realise that my readers could benefit from some more Cosmopolitan posts, in both senses of the word.

With Spring rapidly approaching (well, maybe not so rapidly for some), women are now looking at building up their wardrobe ready for next Winter. At which point, many fashion articles look at what the big designers have been showing on the catwalk (at least I'm assuming that's what they do, I've never read any). This is of course the whole purpose of the fashion show. Not to inform people about the latest trends in clothes they will actually wear, because unfortunately those off-the-nipple numbers never seem to find their way onto our streets, but to give fashion journalists something to write about.

Because ultimately, clothes "design" is a bit boring. Clothes are made to fit people, which means that they have to be the same shape as the bit they are being worn on. Since people don't grow extra arms or change drastically every year, fashion designers would all be unemployed. So, they have fashion shows.

So here are my top tips for what will be in next winter. Unless you live in Australia.

Wool - This is always a good bet. Natural and warm, and it comes in lots of colours, which is very important if you're a woman.

Coats - People tend to underrate coats as fashion items, ever since the anti-fur lobby started up. However, I think that lots of people will be wearing them this winter, so unless you want to look unfashionable, and cold, I suggest you invest in one. Preferably full length. The great thing about long coats is that you don't need to worry about colour-coordination, since they cover up whatever else you're wearing.

Sensible Boots - I'm predicting that heels will be pretty much out, especially on snowy and icy days. Except for in the Casualty Units.

Gloves - These are hated by the big designers, since unfortunately there's only one shape that works. The one that looks just like a hand. Nevertheless they continue to be a mainstay of the winter clothing industry.

No doubt Vinny will have other ideas - hopefully Bee will continue to provide us with snippets from that Sage. However, I think it's a fair bet that the following will NOT be all the rage next Winter (because smoking is just so last century):

If you're going to show off clothes like this, why not pick better shaped women? But then, what do I know?

22 comments:

Bee said...

FFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Bee said...

HEY! Where did my Ts go?
HA! That sounded funny (to me).
Anyway, Brian thank you for bringing us the future fashions. Cosmo should come check you out and... "That's a man baby!"
I'm full of movie quotes.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Your "!" got lost as well. I thought you'd given those up for Lent?

Bee said...

It wasn't for Lent, I was giving them up to be a better person but then I decided I was good enough.

Dan said...

Brian
Are YOU the one in fashion ?
I agree with you on the girl, she needs a boob job, that's not even a mouth full.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Dan:

Although I'm always ahead when it comes to style (don't fashions repeat about every 20 or 30 years?) I'm not actually in the fashion business.

Brian o Vretanos said...

I wonder where Jean Knee is...
Perhaps she's playing with soft balls again...

Jean Knee said...

I was being photographed in my swim suit, unfortunately it snowed this morning...and it's not even Easter yet

Jean Knee said...

that is sooo a man.
those man boob things are just disgusting

Jean Knee said...

the only balls I ever play with are soft

Bee said...

OMG!!! BWAHAHAHA!!! SOFT BALLS!!
Sorry but I needed to convey me laughing HYSTERICALLY! I missed my "!!!!!!"!!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

You've come to the right place for fashion advice, which you clearly need.

Brian's Verdict: Swimsuits and snow are not a winning combination.

Tracy said...

You know, I was just thinking that all my wardrobe needed was a few see through shirts. Oh and horns. I think horns would go with everything, no?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Tracy:

You fashion victim ;-)

Actually, horns go equally well with everything...

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

You were eleventh but didn't notice ;-)

Jean Knee said...

how come the French can't spell?

Bee said...

Brian! I just saw you in a speedo on jean knee's blog and you look HAWT!

Bee said...

Oh and ELEVENTH!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

The French are arrogant gits.

Bee:

I try to blend in, but it's not easy...

Tracy said...

Yes Brian, your picture in the speedo made me get a little crush on you. All you were missing was the horns!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Tracy:

horns are a bit of a hazard when swimming and diving, unfortunately.

Jean Knee said...

don't believe him. he stays in the shallow end and dog paddle splashes around