Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Newsworthy

There have been a few news items that caught my eye over the last week or so, but for some reason none of them were inspiring enough to warrant a post. Or maybe I'm just suffering from a lack of creativity. Anyway, here are a couple of them.


What A Party!

You know that your birthday party's gone well when you go to sleep in some random place on your way home, and the sound of an express train going over you doesn't wake you up...

This happened to a 32 year old woman from Belarus. She lay down on the ground to have a little sleep, since she was feeling the effects of a boozy night. She didn't realise that she had lain down between some train tracks.

If she'd woken up and tried to sit up then she wouldn't have survived as the train rattled past above her at 90 mph.

All of which makes me wonder what kind of birthday celebrations she's planning for next year...


The Breath-Test Car

I'm sure this isn't a new idea, but it was on the TV last night. This is the car that has a built in breathalyser. You blow into it, and it only starts if you're not over the legal limit.

There are clearly so many problems with this idea that I won't bother to list them. But I did wonder about similar applications:
  • Mobile Disco Detector : The engine is automatically cut off when the car's stereo system reaches a certain decibel level
  • Intelligent Parking : After two failed attempts to get into the same space, the car parks itself (I need this!)
  • Flat Cap Detector : If the driver is wearing a flat cap, the car will move at twice the speed displayed on the speedo.
  • Road Pacifier : Detects high outputs of adrenaline, indicating that the driver is suffering from road rage, at which point the horn is disabled, all windows and doors locked, and a soothing medley of dolphin mating calls is played on the stereo.

23 comments:

Dan said...

Promero !
Sorry real busy at work. Be back later.

Bee said...

DAN YOU SCMUCK!

Anyway, I hope they don't make the anti-rage one mandatory. I'd have to walk or ride my bike thru the unsafe forest preserves!!

Jean Knee said...

I love that last one. maybe they could add a valium drip for cross country trips with children

Jean Knee said...

what's a flat cap?


oh, and glad you're not dead and all

Dan said...

what's a flat cap ?
Yesterday the wife told me about a guy who was brain dead, the family was already talking to doctors about organ donation when he moved a leg. He said
"I don't remember much, all I remember is the doctor saying I was dead"

There was another case of a woman who was in a comma after she tried to light her grill, she had used too much lighter fluid and somehow caught fire. When she awoke from the coma she said:
"That son of a bitch tried to burn me to death" her husband is now in jail.

Bee said...

Dan, were they all drunk??

Bee said...

Brian, I'm not going to ask you what a flat cap is because I know how to wiki.

Brian o Vretanos said...

A flat cap is er, a flat cap (i.e. hat). It is worn by 70 year old men whilst they drive their Nissans at about half the speed limit.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Thankyou for your concern about my health.

Dan:

You can imagine the husband being eager to turn off the life machine ASAP before she woke up. "It's ... sob ... what she would have wanted ... sob ... "

Tracy said...

I like Jean Knee's idea about the Valium drip. I need one for short trips too. Like the five minutes it takes me to drive to the grocery store.
I can honestly say that the party thing has never happened at one of my parties. Maybe I need to step up my game?

Jean Knee said...

oh, now I get it ( the flat cap one, not the hamster jam thing)

Brian o Vretanos said...

Tracy:

I'm not sure what the consequences of driving while on vallium are - Bee's the expert on side effects.

As far as the party thing is concerned, it'll help if there's a railway line near you.

Bee said...

Are you ready for your time change?

Will you wake up bleary eyed and grumpy?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

I'm sure I'll cope. I rarely wake up grumpy, but certainly bleary-eyed is normal. Have you got your lost hour of sleep back yet?

Bee said...

Nope. Every morning I wake cursing the morons who came up with this dumb scheme.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

(just back from the pub)

I agree. Messing around with the time is just stupid. If they're worried about children getting killed crossing roads they should change the school times, not the clock.

Jean Knee said...

Let's all move to Arizona where the time stays the same.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Okay, once you're safely installed there we'll all follow you.

Bee said...

IF YOU HEAR IN THE NEWS THAT A WOMAN WENT NUTS AND WROTE THE WORDS "I WORK WITH INSANE PEOPLE NOW I WILL JOIN THEM!" ON EVERY WALL IN HER OFFICE, IT WAS ME!!!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Take a deep breath. Then another. Then slowly and calmly count up to, say, 50,953.

Only another few hours till the weekend.

At least try not to kill anyone...

Jean Knee said...

try to remember Bee, the bats are not human..they are a subspecies of human...very sub


what if you don't get to take Scarlette to jail with you?? consider her sadness

Avodrock said...

Bee, it's funny you mention the time change in Europe. This morning I had a very important meeting for which I am leading a project involving a team from the U.K. Well the project has shifted to the U.K. so during a conference call they were supposed to update our group (VP's here). They were not in our call, so I had to step in and update the team, and our VP's were firing questions I could not answer!!! I really got hammered.

Finally an hour and ten minutes after our meeting had started, and 10 minutes after our meeting had ended, they called me and said "Hey how come no one was on line" I said "of course we were, you were not on the call"... that is when they realized they had not accounted for our hour change...

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

SC

Brian o Vretanos said...

SC:

Until about 10 years ago we used to change our clocks on the same day as the US, but then we were "harmonised" with the rest of Europe. I think we're usually different for only a week, but this time it's been three...