Saturday, 1 March 2008

New Governments



Yesterday, the new Government of Cyprus were sworn in and took up their ministerial positions.

I am pleased to announce that the senior posts in our forthcoming dictatorship have also been finalised. The following people will be running the world just as soon as we can organise a take-over.

Supreme Tyrant: Dan

Dan, as he prefers to be known, will assume the title of "The People's Ruler". He will be a benign dictator, always ready to put the Ordinary Man in the Street at his ease; Always a joke and a smile for those he condemns to a hideously painful death. An expert crowd pleaser, Dan hopes that his popularity will make his rule a long and a happy one.


Propaganda Minister: Bee

Bee has had a difficult time, suffering with a split personality, and living in the shadow of her illustrious brother Dan. And no doubt, some people will suggest that her meteoric rise to High Office is as a result of family connections. But they won't dare say it to her.


Finance Minister: Tracy

Tracy has long been proactive as an advocate of consumer power. She will ensure that there are affordable and plentiful stocks of the most necessary items, such as Rum Soaked Raisins, Tiddy Bears and Girlfriend cushions. She'll also be the paid double rates, since Bee will be working for the sheer pleasure, and not for any money.


Minister for Education, the Arts and the Environment (with special responsibility for Bon Bon Tasting): Jean Knee

A tireless cultural hard-liner (she believes that opera should be a compulsory part of the kindergarten curriculum), and eco-warrior (a devoted disciple of "Father" Al Gore), the public will embrace her values and ideals wholeheartedly. Or else she'll get scary. In a nice way, of course.

There are a few other places, if anyone else wants to enter the realm of Public Office. Simply get in touch with me or any of the above with a suitably large bribe, erm, I mean, donation to public funds, and we'll see what we can do.

29 comments:

Bee's Dark Side said...

First! And! I object! That picture of me was taken a year ago... Ive had electrolosis since then!

Dan said...

Hitler has some cool sunglasses, they look like mine, coincidence ?
Hitler was kind of a jerk, I'll only abuse the people so much, none of that gas chamber nonsense here.
Bee's never looked better although I'm wondering why you would use a picture of a monkey for Bee and a cavewoman for Jean, yet you used a young attractive woman for Tracy ? hummmmm ?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Once you start your new job, I'm sure you can get an airbrushed version issued.

Dan:

The photo is a picture of Charlie Chaplin (in the film "The Great Dictator") with, as you guessed, your sunglasses.

The picture for Tracy was supposed to be a 50's shopper, but it was all I could find. You're right, it is a bit to flattering...

Jean Knee said...

That photo was before the kick ass peter pan do. Long braids made my face look drawn.

Jean Knee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jean Knee said...

Brian, where are you in this new government??

I've got a nice swim suit photo you could use

Bee said...

I can't beleive I didn't notice they were the same ones!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

You looked great. I can't think why you changed.

I'm the chief puppeteer, erm, I mean special advisor to the People's Beloved Leader.

No publicity means no assassination attempts...

Bee:

Well, they are much lower resolution in the Charlie Chaplin photo, but you can still just about make out the reflection of Dan's hands ;-)

Dan said...

You see Beee !!!
i told you I need a cool reflection and you said no one will notice.

Jean Knee said...

I just saw that reflection Dan, very kewl

Jean Knee said...

hey can I arrange to have my hairdresser hog tied and shaved for doing this to my hair?

Bee said...

jean knee, your hair looks kewl and hawt. Stop swetin' it!

Jean Knee said...

I look like a housewife

the horror!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

The great thing about being in a dictatorship is that no-one'll laugh at you - however kewl you look...

Jean Knee said...

Here's a fun joke
What do you get if you cross a penis and a potato?





. a dick-tater (dictator)

yes it's funny

Jean Knee said...

when do I get my Bon Bons?

(no coconut)

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

I almost died laughing.

If you're going to help run the world you're going to need to set up your own supply chain - you can't expect me to do everything for you.

A proper bon bon taster needs to be willing to sample all kinds, but I suppose you can delegate the coconut ones to a minion.

They've started growing tulips in Cyprus for the first time.

Brian o Vretanos said...

There's a sick joke about a dead hamster, but I'm no good at jokes.

Jean Knee said...

I'm no good at getting jokes so I guess we're even

Tracy said...

And just what is wrong with my picture being flattering DANIEL and Brian? I happen to think it's quite perfect for me since that has always been the era I think I was supposed to be born in. Thank you Brian for my very wonderful picture.
I'm just glad I didn't get Bee's picture but I do get her money. I love my new job!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Tracy:

At last! A satisfied customer!

The 1950s is certainly an interesting time. For me, it represents colour and stereo, since the technology for colour films and stereo sound recordings matured in that decade. There have been very few real breakthroughs since apart from CGI. A music recording made in 1955 can in practical terms be as good as one made today, and you can say the same for films except for special effects.

In this country it was a very poor decade, since the War was still being paid for. My mother remembers rationing in that period.

Tracy said...

I agree with you. Everything just seems so much more vivid. Clothes, furniture, kitchens. All of it had more color. Now we try to minimise everything.
Plus the dresses were so great.

Brian o Vretanos said...

It was certainly the era of the shapely women, kind of in between the extremes of the flat-chested 1920s and the anorexic supermodels of the 1990s.

Dan said...

Tracy
What's up with the DANIEL ?
You mad ?

Bee said...

jean knee that joke was hilarious. HILARIOUS.
I'll take the coconut.

Jean Knee said...

kay

Tracy said...

Dan,
I was angry but the moment passed. I think it was the wording in your question. You know the why did you use a picture of a "young, attractive woman for Tracy" sentence.
I may have three kids but I am still in my twenties. So even though I feel like a gagillion years old, I'm still young.
Keep that in mind and I won't have to break the Daniel out on you again. :)

Brian o Vretanos said...

Tracy:

I suspect that Dan was wondering why your photo was more flattering than the rest of them, and was disappointed that I didn't use a young attractive woman for him ;-)

Chris Wood said...

Good to know that wise heads are involved in improving the state of things. I had no idea Bee was so good looking!