Saturday, 1 March 2008
Yesterday, the new Government of Cyprus were sworn in and took up their ministerial positions.
I am pleased to announce that the senior posts in our forthcoming dictatorship have also been finalised. The following people will be running the world just as soon as we can organise a take-over.
Supreme Tyrant: Dan
Dan, as he prefers to be known, will assume the title of "The People's Ruler". He will be a benign dictator, always ready to put the Ordinary Man in the Street at his ease; Always a joke and a smile for those he condemns to a hideously painful death. An expert crowd pleaser, Dan hopes that his popularity will make his rule a long and a happy one.
Propaganda Minister: Bee
Bee has had a difficult time, suffering with a split personality, and living in the shadow of her illustrious brother Dan. And no doubt, some people will suggest that her meteoric rise to High Office is as a result of family connections. But they won't dare say it to her.
Finance Minister: Tracy
Tracy has long been proactive as an advocate of consumer power. She will ensure that there are affordable and plentiful stocks of the most necessary items, such as Rum Soaked Raisins, Tiddy Bears and Girlfriend cushions. She'll also be the paid double rates, since Bee will be working for the sheer pleasure, and not for any money.
Minister for Education, the Arts and the Environment (with special responsibility for Bon Bon Tasting): Jean Knee
A tireless cultural hard-liner (she believes that opera should be a compulsory part of the kindergarten curriculum), and eco-warrior (a devoted disciple of "Father" Al Gore), the public will embrace her values and ideals wholeheartedly. Or else she'll get scary. In a nice way, of course.
There are a few other places, if anyone else wants to enter the realm of Public Office. Simply get in touch with me or any of the above with a suitably large bribe, erm, I mean, donation to public funds, and we'll see what we can do.