Friday, 19 December 2008

Kill or Cure

You know Dawn of the Dead, the classic film where zombies go on the rampage around a shopping mall? It's one of my all time favourite films. I don't know if they've remade it yet (I seem to remember they might have done), but just in case I thought I'd rehearse for a part while I was at my local supermarket.

I'm full of cold, and feeling sorry for myself. I'm not actually ill, but I can't sleep, I'm sore from coughing and sneezing, and I'm doing an even better than usual imitation of a zombie.

Perhaps driving to a supermarket in this state wasn't the best of ideas - I ought not to be half-undead in charge of a dangerous vehicle, where a split second loss of concentration could cause injury or death. Having said that, I still think that my trolley manouevering skills are better than a lot of the mums. They're so distracted by any "Special Offers" that they don't even notice their screaming kids, so they're not going to realise that they're seconds away from crippling someone. It's not as if I'd ever get distracted...

Anyway, you'll be pleased to know that no major mishaps befell me today. Which is just as well, as I'd hate to deprive you of a post.

One of the symptoms of my current debilitating condition is that I'm ravenously hungry. There's a handy guide to whether or not one should attempt to eat anything. It's either "Feed a flu, starve a cold", or "Starve a flu, feed a cold". I can never remember. I hope it's the latter, otherwise I'm doomed.

It's definitely important to take care of myself. So I've bought things that I don't normally ever have, such as Jelly Babies, chocolate, Pringles. As well as Lucozade and four boxes of tissues (which just about lasted me the trip home). Oh and some brandy. For medicinal purposes, of course.

And I've bought some extra spicy pickled onions. And some anti-indigestion medicine, which I'm expecting to need...

I also got £2.50 off my bill, due to points that accumulate on the loyalty card when you buy things and, now, when you reuse bags. Something that I've been doing fairly regularly. Unfortunately my loyalty card isn't really mine. It's my ex-wife's. So I never know when I should take money off. I should do sometimes, since I contribute to it. What I really ought to do is end four years of moral dilemma by getting my own card, but this only occurs to me when I'm at the checkout. By which time I want to get home, not stand around waiting at the Customer Service desk.

So now I've got an evening of Jelly Babies, pickled onions and Brandy to look forwards to. If that doesn't kill this bug, nothing will...

From recent experience, I'd advise against eating jelly babies whilst blogging. You get that white icing sugar stuff all over the keyboard.


for a different kind of girl said...

I would also advise against eating chocolate while blogging, too, what with the melting and all. Could result in the need for explanations that, while feasible, may not come across as entirely believable.

Hope you're feeling better soon. Though chocolate can lead to gut aches, it does make one feel much better!

Brian o vretanos said...


Thanks for the advice!

No Cool Story said...

I'd like to add to the list of things you should do while blogging: Making fun of your fellow bloggers by showing off on their blogs and reminding them of how they weren't neither first nor eleventh.

Jean Knee said...

we don't have jelly babies here but they do look good.

The best thing to do for illness is stay in bed, read many books, try not to move.

now I'm all paranoid about getting sick. eeek

No Cool Story said...

But I do hope you feel better.

Drink some cinammon tea.

Jean Knee said...

Oh the horror! you showed off on NCS' blog?
how could you Brian

wow, we posted at the same time while you were, hopefully, sleeping

Bee said...

I just had some ribs, a baked potato and some corn. Now I feel a little pukey.

Also, that chick in the shorts and heels is obviously a hoochie.

Jean Knee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jean Knee said...

if she even is a chick

Jean Knee said...

If things get really bad you could always neti pot your sinus cavities

Jean Knee said...

that tush looks suspiciously like Nathan Lane's to me.

where'd everybody go??

Diva said...

Hot Toddy.... suck down a hot toddy.

Diva said...

And I love the original Dawn of the Dead... the new one is ok, but nowhere near as cheesy.

Brian o vretanos said...


Great advice, thankyou - I'll try and do as much of that as possible.

Jean Knee:

Sadly not moving isn't an option - I've had to go to work, and today I've got to take Helena Christmas shopping.


Apparently that's a picture of Britney Spears - it was the best I could find...

Jean Knee:

There's NO WAY I'm trying that neti thing.


I've not seen the new version - I've nothing against remakes, but it's one of those films where it seemed perfect enough as it was.