Saturday, 27 December 2008

I, Robot

As with last year, Christmas was delayed a day until Boxing Day, when Helena arrived. Considering that nothing was open on Christmas Day, meaning that I had to plan ahead and have been faced with ever dwindling food supplies, I think I did well to resist the temptation to start on the Stollen Cake before she got here.

I had to get up early as well, so that I could wrap her presents. This year she had asked for a robot dog. His name is Wrex the Dawg, and he's certainly a character.

Of course, this is the robotic equivalent of a dog, so instead of Pedigree Chum he eats batteries - lots of them in several different sizes. He also talks, breaks wind, urinates noisily, and does more tricks than your average mutt.

For example, he can play dead: "I've been hit... it's okay... you go on ahead... don't worry about me... ahhhh...", before asking whether or not his performance rates an Oscar. He can identify obstacles so that he doesn't bump into anything. Unfortunately, this doesn't work when he's reversing.

After Helena had been here an hour I was praying that the batteries would quickly run out. Unfortunately battery technology has progressed a lot since I was a lad, and they still haven't. I've been a bit less irritated by him since she let me have a go.

There's a lot to be said for the mechanical version. It doesn't smell, it won't run up huge bills at the vet, try and steal whatever you're eating, and in a few weeks when the novelty has worn off and it's forgotten about it won't matter.

A dog really can just be for Christmas...

12 comments:

Chris Wood said...

First! Woohoo!

Chris Wood said...

(too bloated from Christmas indulgence to perform complicated ritual dance of celebration. Awww....)

Chris Wood said...

A robot dog, eh? At least when he starts licking his robot privates you can take the batteries out and spoil the little fucker's fun.

Brian o vretanos said...

Chris:

It sounds like you had a good time. Excellent.

That's one trick that he isn't programmed to do (I hope). It's great having a dog with an off switch.

Brian o vretanos said...

The company do a robot woman as well. It comes with a volume control ;-)

Jean Knee said...

Lean got zero noisy toys this year. Santa better be glad he didn't slip up.

Brian o vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

That's terrible. If I'd known I'd have sent Lean something. I noticed in the toy shop that you can buy drumsticks which make all the noise but without the drums. Maybe next year. When's her birthday?

Bee said...

It, it, it pees???? That is not good.

No Cool Story said...

Video!
VIDEO!!!!

Brian o vretanos said...

Bee:

So does the real thing...

NCS:

I hadn't thought of that! The dog isn't here at the moment, but I expect Helena will bring it back at New Year...

for a different kind of girl said...

The robo-hound chit chats with you?! Oh, that wouldn't get old AT ALL! It also beats the non-talking robotic dinosaur my youngest son got for Chrismas last year. Oh, it pees, alright. That's the best thing about it, actually!

Brian o vretanos said...

FADKOG:

Helena only visits here at weekends, so it's my ex who's going to get most of the benefit of the dog, I'm afraid...