For Medicinal Purposes Only

The other night I woke up at about 2am, unable to sleep. So I did what I usually do and watched some TV. They were showing a repeat of "kalitera Mazi", an afternoon programme that I don't usually see.

They had a "Colour Therapist" on who was explaining how she makes a living, as far as I could tell, by telling people how to choose what colours to wear. The colour of your clothes apparently has an effect on your health.

This is because different coloured fabrics absorb different frequencies of light, so the light energy that hits your skin is different.

Now, I'm very sceptical when it comes to "alternative" medicine. The kind of "medicine" which people will swear definitely works, and yet when anyone gathers statistics they can't find any proof. The sort of medicine that cures ailments which haven't got definite physical symptoms, and yet can't cure, say, cancer.

Nevertheless, I've worked out what colours can really make a difference. If you look at a rainbow, it's the colour at the very end. The pot of gold.

I'm going to set up in business as a "money therapist". The idea is that the kind and amount of money that you keep on your person channels different types of energy through your body.

Just because I'm among friends here, I'm going to give you all a free diagnosis session. No, it's okay, you don't need to thank me, I'm just doing it to make you all healthier and happier.

I think that you're all weighed down by the money that you carry. Not so much by the notes and coins that you have in your wallets and purses, but by the plastic money. In order to become more carefree and well-balanced you need to channel that negative energy away from yourselves.

Simply check your credit and debit card balances. Work out how much you can afford to spend on them. Frightening, isn't it? Just think of every dollar and cent as a crippling weight. Because I'm so altruistic and because you're people I care about, I'll make the ultimate sacrifice and take your burden from you.

What do reckon? Try it and see. If it works, then I'll become a full time therapist and spread happiness and health throughout the world. The colour of money. That's the best medicine...

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