Wednesday, 14 November 2007

2207 part II: Take Us To Your Leader...


Continued from yesterday:

As we approached the alien building, it looked unnervingly more and more like an Earth house - although the style was like nothing we'd ever seen, the proportions were about the same.

Anyway, we got to it and there was a door. We knocked on the door. It opened slowly...

... In front of us was... a man!

"Yes?", he asked. It was clear he hadn't been expecting us.

"Erm, who's in charge here?"

"Well, it's my house. Look, what do you want? I'm missing my programme."

"We're, erm, tourists and we've kind of got lost."

"Well, come in, I'll make you a drink." He left us standing there and rushed in. We followed him. Inside it was much the same as Earth houses. There was a large screen on the wall showing some kind of soap opera which our host was clearly engrossed in.

Sharon was explaining to Margo that she was really Bob's long-lost illegitimate daughter, and that she hadn't realised who Bob was when he started seeing Debbie, who was actually her half sister...

It was one of those split-second things. We looked at each other, made a silent decision, nodded and left before he noticed. We ran to the rover, and sped straight back to the ship and took off. What a waste! We went all that way to find a new civilisation, an alien culture, and found more humans watching crap TV.

Some scientists have speculated that intelligent life will evolve much the same way everywhere, and of course religious people believe that we'll ony find humans, because they're in God's image. Whoever's right it means that we've very little to learn from space exploration.

Our recommendation to the Earth Government is to stop funding space research, and instead spend the millions investigating how we can make better television programmes - then we can really advance civilisation.

29 comments:

Bee said...

DUGUGH!!!!
WHERE DOES THE LEADER COME IN???

Bee said...

And!
Can you tell me how Sharon found out she's Bob's daughter?

Bee said...

Were the space explorers hot?

Jean Knee said...

I want to know what drink was being served?

you better not have emailed chris-- did you??

Jean Knee said...

Brian, is that you in the background? cuz, if it is you look hawt


naugahyde pants are teh sexy

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Leader: That doesn't happen - they realise that they don't want the "aliens" to know they've visited.

Soap: You'll have to spend 100 years in a deep freeze & go there yourself to find out, I'm afraid.

Hot: I don't know. Use your imagination.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Drink: It never got served. The "alien" got too engroseed in Bob's love life.

Picture: It's from the Science Fiction film "Solaris" (1972)

Chris said...

ROFL!!

That's awesome.

Sorry I'm late catching up, but had a commitment last night.

I am just curious why there was only one house. And how it had t.v. And where were all the other people? Did this guy own the whole planet?

Just curious ;-)

Jean Knee said...

not hot, HAWT you know like criss angel hawwt

well, are you going to comment on my ass post???

Bee said...

The story you didn’t hear about.

Little did the space explorers know they were missing one of their crew when they returned to their spaceship.

His name was Braul. He was a tall great looking hummana hummana guy with gorgeous blue eyes.
Braul decided to stay behind and see what he could find out about the inhabitants of this rock.

As his buddies exited the house, he decided to head towards the back.

To his surprise he found a small shed-like structure with beams of light emanating from every spot that had an opening.

Braul carefully opened the door and noticed a young woman engrossed in soldering what looked like two triangular pieces of metal. He was instantly surprised at how rudimentary their equipment was since the only time he’d seen such tools was in a museum.

In an instant the young woman was standing next to him as he felt an intense burning on the side of his neck. She had moved so quickly he had neglected to catch any signs of movement.

As she lifted her soldering helmet, he noticed she had the most beautiful Hazel eyes he had ever had the pleasure of gazing into. But something was wrong. The feeling in his knees was slowly ebbing. He could feel the coldness of the floor against his face. The last thing he remembered was being lifted onto a table.

Jean Knee said...

oh my word!! was he turned into molten metal?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Chris:

The astronauts deliberately picked a sparsely populated area, so that

(a) They wouldn't land on anyone - never a good start to diplomatic relations

(b) They wouldn't start a mass panic.

There were other people, just not in the vicinity. Like Arizona, or Vermont...

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Yes, I'll comment on your post, If I can think of anything that hasn't already been said - didn't have time this morning. I did look at it though...

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Isn't there some scary stastic, like 50% of Americans believe they've been abducted and experimented on by aliens (presumably explaining where their brains went)?

They obviosuly ask the wrong people, as none of the Americans I've come across have been that stupid.

No doubt the woman was going to kill him and make shoes from his skin...

Bee said...

Wrong!

HER SIDE:

She sensed him even before he had made the decision to stay. She must act quickly before the others saw him. She waited for him to open the door so she could have the element of surprise on her side. She wasn’t prepared for him to be such a magnificent specimen of humanity. He would do nicely.

As he was captivated by her hypnotic gaze, she was shocked by an unknown feeling. Her plan was to use his skin cells to mislead the rebels. There was no way she could afford to deviate from the original plan. Then, why was she feeling this way? Her creators had installed programs that would help the cause, this one she could not identify. She was familiar with anger, hate, defiance, animosity. Her survival skills were surpassed only by her intelligence.

Maybe… if she let him live long enough to question him, she’d have a better understanding as to why she’s evolving in this manner. He looked so peaceful as she lifted him onto the table. He was warm too. She wondered if he could survive the extreme temperatures on Zoodial. As soon as that thought formed in her mind, she realized she had made the decision to take him with her.

Jean Knee said...

yeah, that's teh creepy.

please make her do something wicked and painful to him

Big Dad said...

Is Bee trying to take over your blog? Bad Bee!

Are they gonna make sweet love? She's strong enough to pick him up? That's hot! She's not muscley is she? How about you tell us what she was wearing?

Brian o Vretanos said...

BD:

Yes, she swans about here as if she owns the joint...

Remember she's a robot, so she's probably perfectly formed (the character, not Bee).

Anyway we shouldn't encourage her (Bee, not the robot).

Bee said...

Far be it for me to be where I'm not wanted...

I will take my hurt little ego and go to the corner to cry my eyes out.

Later chivatos!

Brian o Vretanos said...

No sulking here, please!

You're only allowed to go when you finish the story - you were the one who criticised me about cliffhangers, remember?

Bee said...

I never said she was a robot...

Brian o Vretanos said...

Robot:

"Her creators had installed programs"

She could be a biological creation, I suppose...

Bee said...

Could be, we'll see... ;o)

On that note I'm outta here!

Jean Knee said...

I still want the guy to be disembowelled or at the very least lose an eye

Brian o Vretanos said...

Perhaps he'll turn against her and gouge out her lovely hazel eyes as a souvenir - you should be on his side, after all he's representing Earth...

Jean Knee said...

ooo she can collect his ear and wear it like the vietcong

or dry it out and feed it to the dog, my dogs love those dried pig's ears

Big Dad said...

Where's the rest? I came here thinking I was gonna read some robot on man action!

Brian o Vretanos said...

BD:

Robot Porn:

There are specialist sites for poeple into that sort of stuff.

Does your girlfriend know about your, em, preferences?

If the answer's yes and she dresses up and does unmentionable things with a hot soldering iron, then please feel free not to answer that...

Brian o Vretanos said...

Erm, I mean there are probably sites for people like you, I of course wouldn't know...