Wednesday, 28 November 2007

Παγκόσμιος Πρόεδρος;


I spent a depressing hour last night watching a debate about the (Cypriot) 2008 Presidential Elections. Depressing, because I couldn't understand more than a few words of what they were saying.

It's so much better in places like Britain where we have elections at short notice. In countries where they have fixed elections, they bang on about it for months in advance. The Americans spend years on it, and then no-one votes anyway.

One day, we'll have a World Federation or something, and it'll be even worse to elect a World President. So, I'm compiling a list of candidates well in advance.

  • Arnold Schwarzenegger - This needs no explanation. His film-making days are over. Help keep it that way, and vote Arnie. His lack of English should make his speeches nice and short, always a good quality in a politician.
  • Italian Porn Star - All elections need one of these. Provides for more entertaining photo opportunities. Of course in the end it's policies that count, and hers will be well-formed and silicone-free.
  • Boris Johnson - The honest politician. Says what he thinks, which may lead to the odd war now and then, but this will give the military something constructive to do. Vote Johnson and prove that the World has not lost its sense of humour.

Whoever wins the election won't actually have long to do too much damage, since I'll soon stage my coup and then rule with a benign dictatorship. If it was the Italian porn star, then I may let her serve under me.

I've not fully worked out all of my policies yet, but the State will be taking over green bean production, and every citizen will be issued with a tin per week. Football (i.e. Soccer) and Telesales will be outlawed, and everyone will be happy. By order.

And we won't need any more of these annoying and boring elections.

26 comments:

Bee said...

E.CORDOVA@GMAIL.COMNO ARNOLD!

Bee said...

UH... THAT SHOULD BE "NO ARNOLD" ONLY...
I'm such a dweeb!

Bee said...

I'm gonna go get coffee, I'll be bahk.

Bee said...

His fudder was a Nazi.

Jean Knee said...

you must remember that California is a perversion and should fall into the ocean asap.
Those idiots always vote one dumbass policy and or politician in every chance they get. They try to look all liberal but really they're just frickin retards

If this becomes an x-rated blog I shall be forced to tell your mama and grandma on you, and email you "self help" brochures
(nasty pun optional)

Bee said...

BWAHAHAHA!!
jean knee said "self help"!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

The point about my candidates is that they're all entertainers, of one kind or another. We need more entertaining leaders.

You're quite welcome to nominate candidates. Father Al's out, though...

Jean Knee said...

Father Al would so win, of course someone's brother would cheat and mess it up for him, besides which I'm a republican

Jean Knee said...

You have to admit he is entertaining

Brian o Vretanos said...

Absolutely. But Nobel Laureates and people who have attained such glory as Al don't stoop to fighting elections. Especially when they've a history of losing them.

He's already running the world anyway...

Jean Knee said...

Okay then, How about Kinky Friedman? he lost here in Texas but that was all rigged too, ask elastic bout it, she has the in scoop

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Just looked him up on Wiki, and he seems ideal.

I don't suppose you've got anything like our Monster Raving Loony Party in the US, though...

Jean Knee said...

oh we probably do, give me more info on it and I'll let ya know



notice you haven't gotten on the battle of the sexes on bee's blog. smart man

Bee said...

jean knee, funny you should say that cuz I wrote it right before I went to bed cuz I was ticked the collection of garbage was starting again. Took me about 10 minutes to write. Some that I slave over get nuthin'! :o)

Hi Brian, how you doin'? [eyebrows wagging]

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

I had nothing different to contribute - it's all being said.

Bee:

Don't wag those eyebrows at me - it doesn't work, you know...

I'm fine, thankyou for asking.

Bee said...

Well that's what you say cuz you're so far away but no man can resist my unibrow wagging!

Jean Knee said...

quit bragging, I tell you! do you really have a unibrow?? first a hawt husband and now this.

but my FIL is dead so, top that one!

she scores!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

That's mean. Can't you think of anything better than that?

Bee said...

No jean knee, unfortunately no matter how hard I try I can't grow a unibrow... so sad.

Brian, what's wrong with what she said? If you had my FIL... ::shiver:: never mind I don't wish him on anybody!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Not a lot, I suppose, except it's not nice to gloat about the dead...

Anyway, I'm going to leave you ladies to it, now that I've finished slaving over tomorrow's post.

Jean Knee said...

we can talk to each other like that cuz we bonded over Dr. Phil hate.


I was insanely jealous of the unibrow

sorry I gloated about not having a FIL to fight with. someday it will be you

calm down Brian, if you can't be irreverent about the dead who's left,

Bee said...

ha! Now I do wish I had a unibrow!
Oh well, maybe my next life...

Jean Knee said...

dude, where's my car?

Bee said...

Dude, let's look for it in the strip joint!

Chris said...

Okay, I am late (as usual) but...the guy in the picture looks like he could be Donald Trumps brother!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Chris:

It's difficult to describe Boris... Apparently he's something of a sex-symbol, though.

His father is almost exactly the same - in character, not in looks.