Friday, 7 December 2007

Witness for the Prosecution

"Call the next witness for the Prosecution."

"I now call Mickey Mouse..."

You must have seen this one - Due to a "clerical error", an Italian court summoned Mickey Mouse, Donald and Daisy Duck, and Tweety to a counterfeiting trial. They were unable to attend, and their lawyer (Cristina Ravelli) expressed the hope that they wouldn't be prosecuted for not turning up.

Clerical error? I wonder what really happened. Maybe they just thought it was a Mafia trial, with Mickey the Mouse, Donald the Duck, etc. I really hope, though, that someone did it for a bet - for the amount of entertainment they've given people round the world, they've earned it.

So If you were that court clerk and there was a tenner riding on it, who would you pick? My choices wouldn't be cartoon characters, but the following are all well-known for great courtroom performances:
  • Mason, Peregrine - This would be risky. One might expect sober court officials not to watch cartoons, but they'd surely have heard of Mr Mason. So this would be worth double the bet, I reckon.
  • Stewart, James - Also a warrant for a pair of women's panties that he has in his posession, and which are required as the crucial evidence that will mark the turning point of the case.
  • West, Mae - Needs no preparation or introduction. Just stick her in front of an audience and enjoy!
I omitted God from the list. He is not known for court appearances, and until a couple of years ago, vicars in England were unable to go to an industrial tribunal if they felt they were wrongfully dismissed. Why? Because their employer was deemed to be God, and no-one felt they could summons Him, fine Him, or make Him re-employ the plaintiff. Recently, they decided that vicars are actually employed by the Church, which consists of people who can be made to turn up. Hooray for common sense (after all, God doesn't actually pay their wages). It only took the legal profession 470 years to sort this one out.

When that notorious serial offender Jean Knee is finally brought to justice, we can expect several aggrieved My Little Ponies to be called as prosecution witnesses. And that will not be due to any clericial error, or wager.

I only hope that they give her a life sentence. To be suspended as long as she keeps blogging.

16 comments:

Bee said...

Luckily Ms. Jean Knee has hired me to defend her. As long as they have a massive supply of coffee, we're good!
Speaking of...

Jean Knee said...

Ha, I never have trusted that shifty eyed criminal element Donald Duck. He tries to hide what he's saying behind that lisping splutter speech he has.

I have never been formally charged with a crime other than speeding... they'll never get me(after I pay the fine of course)

Jean Knee said...

how do you pronounce the name Peregrine? I thought that was a type of wine


aren't all of those actors dead?
oh right, if you can call mickey to the stand why not them

Jean Knee said...

god doesn't like to mess around with our pitiful going ons --obviously it would seem

Jean Knee said...

I think I meant goings on---that may not even be an expression, have any of you noticed your spelling and communicating skills degrading since you've been blogging? is it just me?
I really used to be able to spell and turn a decent phrase-sorta

Bee said...

jean knee, I think you do just fine! Plus we've learned to mis-spell words to sound how we say them so iz awl goooovy!

Bee said...

BTW Brian, "Mickey the Mouse, Donald the Duck" HAHAHAHA!

Mickey the Mouse:
He never said a wurd and you never knew he was there. When you finally realized he was behind you... it was too late!

Donald the Duck:
He was always the plant, see, we sent him to infiltrate the CIA and never thought he'd make it out alive. He was a sitting duck.

Jean Knee said...

hee hee

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Sounds like you'll be taking Perry Mason's part in Jean Knee's courtroom drama.

Jean Knee:

I wouldn't worry about your grammatical transgressions - it's not a capital offence, even in Texas (is it?)

I believe if you look in the Bible, that God chooses Bishops. I don't know about lesser vicars, and it might be in the Church of England that He delegates this to someone like the Queen and/or Prime Minister.

Jean Knee said...

the bible's worse than wikipedia, nothing in there can be verified

but, how do you pronounce Peregrine?

Jean Knee said...

eh, never mind. upon further reflection I really don't care enough, sorry Mr.Mason

the people next door just had thousands of dollars of grass delivered, dang those guys are living large

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Sorry - I went to the pub at lunchtime, and the rest of the day has been somewhat confused. I'm just about to go (back) to bed.

Peregrine is like the falcon

"Perr eh grin"

I don't even know if that's what Perry is supposed to be short for in PM's name.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Grass:

I presume you mean the kind you use to decorate your garden?

Jean Knee said...

it's a yard over here and yes

Jean Knee said...

it's a yard over here and yes

Brian o Vretanos said...

I hadn't realised that you didn't have gardens. Another transatlantic difference.

Yards here don't contain grass. They may contain junk, they may be covered in concrete, but never grass. Prisoners may exercise in them. I'm not sure where Scotland Yard gets its name (since it's not a yard and it's not in Scotland).