Saturday, 29 December 2007

The Laughing Policemen


Someone's actually taken some of Bee's advice. The Thai police, in fact. News obviously travels fast. They've started sending coppers to laughter classes. They start by learning how to go "ha ha ha" (sounded phony to me), and then to make their fingers laugh, and then their hearts.

I've said this before, but laughter is seriously bad for you. People have died laughing. The most bizarre incidence of this was someone who died laughing at a Goodies sketch involving a Scotsman fighting a haggis with bagpipes. His widow wrote a thankyou letter to the Goodies thanking them for making his last moments so enjoyable.

The funniest laughing death has to be of the ancient Greek prophet Calchas, who predicted the date of his own death, then when the day came and he hadn't died, he laughed so hard that he, erm, died.

It would certainly be a good thing if traffic police everywhere were taught to laugh. The rest of us would of course want training in the art of telling jokes. Some lucky people, such as Jean Knee, are able to sweet-talk their way out of criminal charges, but imagine if you could make them double over laughing for long enough so that they forget why they stopped you, or long enough for you to make a fast getaway,

I can't tell jokes, so I'd certainly need the training, but for those of you who already have the gift of the gab, here are some which will have them in stitches, or scare them into letting you go:
  • You can't pin this on me, I wasn't even there.
  • I didn't realise I was pedalling that fast.
  • I'm rushing to the hospital - I've got Scarlet Fever.
  • I demand a recount.
  • Men in uniform turn me on - this one works particularly well if you're male - women may find that the cop arrests them so he can spend more time examining their particulars, at least that's what I'd do.
Personally, though, I find that the best method is not to speed in the first place. I know, it's selfish of me, since it will deprive someone of a good laugh.

9 comments:

Bee said...

Ummm... serious question first. Isn't it spelled "Bangcock"?
I'm curious because that's the way I've always spelled it and if I'm wrong I have allot of apologizing to do. ALLOT!

Bee said...

Anyway, "laugh with their fingers"??? How does one do that? I just tried it and now the dogs are looking at me weird!

My excuse will be:
"What do you want from me? I can barely see over the steering wheel!"
Do you think they'd laugh?

Jean Knee said...

i HAVE MISTAKENLY ASSUMED, ALL THESE LONG LAUGHTER FILLED YEARS, THAT i COULD ONLY LAUGH WITH MY MOUTH LUNG AND GUT AREA.

sorry, just saw it was on all caps

Those Goodie boys remind me of an early version of Shane and David (who met at acting school) of the Upside down show. I love those guys (you can see snippets on noggin.com)

Jean Knee said...

I never realized you could actually die laughing. I'm more of a faint grin type of person or an occasional snort like out burst.


"examining their particulars"
snort ...see I just did it

Bee said...

Also, congrats on finding a picture of the ugliest policewoman ever!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

No it's not spelt your way...

I've no idea how you laugh with your fingers - they were holding them out, but being fingers they didn't make much noise.

Steering wheel excuse: Well, they might get all their colleagues to come and laugh at you - it'd be less humiliating to just pay the fine.

jEAN kNEE:

Helena gets uncontrollable fits of laughter quite a lot - She's got a really good sense of humour, by which I mean that she laughs at my jokes.

Bee:

She wasn't actually a policewoman, but a Suffragette in the days before they had policewomen (19th Century), making the point that they could do it too.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Look stupid, I mean...

Jean Knee said...

well, I got nuthin

Bee said...

Ha Ha! I'm feeling kinda empty brain-wise myself, jean knee.