Tuesday, 23 October 2007

I, Robot


We hear a lot about how bad video games are, and how much they corrupt children. All of that is about to change. Soon they'll be teaching gaming in schools, and the ability to get a high score on Grand Theft Auto will be a young person's passport to the career of their choice.

I'm referring to the news that the US Army plan to put robots in place of soldiers on the front line. Of course, they'll need soldiers to control the robots, but eventually I imagine they'll be able to do this from the comfort of their own homes. No longer will the army be looking for people who can march, or keep their uniforms clean, or endure other physical hardships. No, basic training will involve 1000 hours on a Wii shooting imaginary Iraqis, or terrorists, or something.

But why should soldiers get to be the only ones to turn work into a video game? I'm sure that robots at work will become much more widespread.

First of all will be firemen, at least once they've worked out how to make the robot climb up ladders (at the moment it trundles along on caterpillar tracks). I once played that game where someone was throwing babies out of a burning tower block, and you had to catch them, so when the time comes I might apply.

Other dangerous professions, such as policemen and teachers will follow. No-one will misbehave at school when their teacher is a combat robot armed with a machine gun. If I'd realised that was how things were going to turn out I'd have become a teacher after all.

Next to be replaced will be people who do unpleasant jobs, for example Portaloo emptiers at work sites. In the interests of worker's morale, they will presumably use robots more like the one in the picture to replace any hot babes that might currently do this job.

There are already robot surgeons in development. They won't have shaky hands, but for all you know the person driving might have gone straight from fighting Ninjas to performing open-heart surgery.

What does this mean for you? It means you'd better start getting into this video game lark (if you don't already), or face the double shame of being replaced by a robot and a spotty nerd.

You have been warned!

15 comments:

Bee said...

HA!
I hope Andy doesn't read this cuz he'll be happy about the port-a-pot robot and the fact that he can use spending hours killing trolls as an excuse for a future career in controlling a robot that will serve as his hands in the Electrical business!

Bee said...

I bet you we replace one of my coworkers with a robot... maybe not cuz it would have to be a nonfunctioning one.

Bee said...

Uh... "you we replace" should be "you we can replace".
Maybe I can be replaced too!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Port-a-pot robot:

In the film, the robot completely assumes a female form, then goes off and does some erotic topless dancing. It also persuades the workers to go on strike - maybe not so good for morale!

Robotic Bee:

I suspect that a robotic version of you would be too prone to overheating to be useful.

Bee said...

What the heck kinda of movies are you watching???

Bee said...

Overheating:
Still one slightly malfunctioning robotic Bee is worth 20 regular workers...

Brian o Vretanos said...

That's no way to talk about a classic of German Silent Cinema - one of the most famous films of all time...

Bee said...

Silent???
So it was a man's dream movie cuz the robot woman didn't even have to talk!??

Brian o Vretanos said...

The woman did a lot of talking - it's just that in 1927 you couldn't hear it. In Metropolis she's the leader of the workers, preaching peace, and the boss man gets the mad scientist to make an exact copy of her to stir up the workers so that they'll strike and then he can attack them. The special effects were considered amazing 80 years ago - actually they don't look bad today.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Although women talking can be tiresome, they're normally worse when they're silent (since they use silence as a weapon).

Anonymous said...

I would love to be the teacher "hiding" inside the robot with a machine gun...sshhhh.

Nancy27 said...

It would be nice to have a robot that can do all the house cleaning. I would love to have a "Rosie" from the Jetsons :)

Brian o Vretanos said...

Anonymous: Yes, it would encourage more people to become teachers ;-)

Nancy: Now that would be useful!

Jean Knee said...

I like to play Text Twist, How can I turn that into a job skill?

I missed this post yesterday cause I was out being a fish and all

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Text Twist: Well, if you can use a machine gun then you could teach English. You said you were a good shot, right?

Absence:

You'd rather walk around in a fish-suit than read my blog? That makes me feel just great. Thanks.