Saturday, 27 October 2007

Flowers


For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

[Wordsworth]

Yuck! That's my reaction to the above poetry. I've never really seen the point in flowers. But when you come to think of it they really can be useful. Here is a Man's Guide to Flowers.

Chicks

The best thing about flowers is that for a few Pounds you can buy a bunch in the supermarket whilst you're stocking up on booze, and the woman in your life will go all gooey and think you're absolutely wonderful. Yes, chicks love them, and really show their gullible side. You can get away with almost anything as long as you follow it up with flowers.

Cats and Dogs

Supposing that you're seeing someone who's absolutely fantastic, but has got a psychopathic cat or dog? Nature has again provided us with the answer. Just make sure you get her lillies (for cats), or crocuses (for dogs), as these are poisonous to those animals. Once Kitty or Fido have mysteriously left for the great animal farm in the sky, you can festoon her with even more flowers to show what a great caring guy you are.

Chickens and Eggs

Something I hadn't realised is that they feed marigolds to chickens to make the egg yolks more yellow. Omelettes just wouldn't be the same if they were white, so hooray for marigolds!

Vegetables

It also never occurred to me before, but broccolli is a flower. Eating lots of it not only gives you nutrients and stuff like that, but it reduces the risk of prostate cancer as well. Cauliflower (the clue's in the name) is another usefully edible flower.

Dessert

Without them, there would be no honey.

Friends

So, flowers really do make the world a better place. But they have their downsides - For example, they've inspired some pretty nauseating poetry...

10 comments:

Bee said...

HA!
You should ask Andy one day what happened to his flowers after he brought some home one day to apologize for...well that is not a nice story but the fate of the flowers is a funny one!

Flowers are not always a cure all but in this case they're better than a can of simulated poop! ;op

Brian o Vretanos said...

Blimey, the sun's risen early in Illinois this morning ;-)

Simulated Poop: I've just finished eating it (with noodles).

Flowers: Don't always work, but I've always felt that womens' reaction to them is usually far greater than the effort taken to obtain them!

Bee said...

Yup! It's too early to be up. Sun doesn't come until after 7.

Damn dogs had to go out and no I will NOT feed them those flowers to get a couple more hours of sleep!

I'm goin back to bed.

Bee said...

::sigh::
No tag teaming you today since jean knee is throwing a Hallowbash for her Lean...

Mine is later this evening.

Speaking of broccolli, I'm gonna go have me some broc. soup! MMMMMM!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Enjoy!

Jean Knee said...

did you just say blimer? snicker

flowers are nice but they will only make matters worse if you give them to someone to atone for a misdeed. do not do it. if this works it means you are with a stupid woman, run

when I lived on the farm we let the chickens eat insects to add yellow to the yolks, they also tasted better. no marigolds

Jean Knee said...

here's a fun story. When Drew (hub) was in college he had to write a paper on some drivelly poetry. It was awful so we got together and spouted some more drivel about it, it was indecipherable remember, and we got an A+ great insight. I'm not sure what that says about us or the teacher

Jean Knee said...

I meant blimey

Brian o Vretanos said...

Jean Knee:

Yellow insects? Were they bees? If so, were there yellow and black stripes in the yolk?

Literary Criticism:

It sounds like you missed out on a great career opportunity...

Lean's Hallowbash:

I'd ask how it went, but I'm sure that the full gory details will be on your blog in due course...

Anonymous said...

Bee,
Do tell us the fate of the flowers and the story that lead to the flowers.....