Saturday, 13 October 2007

Organ Makers



Tom Lehrer, mathematician, US cultural icon and the self-proclaimed "Dean of American Composers" did some research in the 50s into Dr Samuel Gall, whose varied achievements in the field of medicine include the invention of the Gall Bladder.

More recently, an Australian performer has had a third ear attached to his arm, presumably in a bid to become an Antipodean Davy Crocket (the man with the wild front ear).

Unfortunately, this ear does not function, but no doubt this problem will soon be overcome by those clever medical folk. When it is, he'll want a fourth ear for Quadrophonic, as well as one at the back for that authentic surround sound experience.

Of course, there are those who are worried about the ethics of organ making. And they do have a point. One can imagine voyeurs getting eyes on their fingers, or drug addicts visiting seedy backstreet clinics to get noses sewn onto their hands (far more convenient). But these disadvantages will no doubt be outweighed by the great benefits.

I hope that they invent the replacement liver before I've completely pickled mine, and talking of ears, I'd love them to fit me a volume control - I'll even pay the extra for a mute button. How many times have you wanted one of those?

And what about a brain for Britney Spears? Unfortunately, even modern medicine has its limits.

13 comments:

Bee said...

I would like an extra arm.
A long long arm.
That way I can continue to work WHILE I slap someone who asks me a stupid question!

Oh, the fantasies I'm having right now...

Bee said...

Oh!
Maybe an extra leg too!
I can invent the smack and kick while still keeping busy!!

Bee said...

The guy's arm looks scarier than any clown I've ever had nightmares about!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

You could get loads of ears on an extra long arm ;-)

Jean Knee said...

I knew as soon as they grew that ear on that mouse something weird would happen. well weirder than a mouse with a human ear I mean.

good news for MIKe Tyson, he can go back to his ear biting shenanigans.

bee-now that I think about it you haven't slapped anybody in a while
brian- what happened to bang?

The Horror!!

Brian o Vretanos said...

JK:

Okay, Next time there's something working banging on about in your blog, be assured I will ;-)

Jean Knee said...

my top, um nine, list was a real bang up, huh

someGirl said...

I like the liver idea myself...

Brian o Vretanos said...

JK:

I hate to admit this, but Bee had done a SLAPPED and I wouldn't like to be outdone ;-)

And I wanted to let you know that I couldn't see those pics (still can't).

Somegirl:

Welcome! Yes, my idea is to live my life the way I want whilst praying that medical science will keep up ;-)

Bee said...

A woman had her ovaries transplanted into her arm!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3985245.stm

Anonymous said...

Brian I'm trying to read your blog with a British accent in my head.....It does not work for me. None-the-less I'm glad you have a blog. a sneak peek into the inner workings of....

M

Brian o Vretanos said...

Bee:

Thankyou for this. So does she bleed out of her arm every month?

M:

Hello! Feel free to read this with any accent you want.

Inner workings of my mind: I hope you have a strong stomach ;-)

Bee said...

If she does I can suggest a nice fiberglass arm cast with no leak thru...