Sports News

Putting the Frogs in their rightful place...

Perhaps I should watch the sports news, since I missed the great sporting event of the weekend - a rerun of Waterloo in the form of the World Conker Championship. An English player saw off opposition from 300 other contestants from 20 countries including France, USA, Germany, Canada and the Phillipines.

Don't try this at home!

The event was almost cancelled because of fears about the dangers of this activity. Hurling chestnuts through the air, even on strings, is clearly something not to be done without paramedics standing by. Miraculously, there has never been an injury in the Championship's 43 year history. And to think that we used to play this unsupervised at school!

Big Cheeses

That other great international game, Cheese Rolling is somewhat more dangerous, and was even cancelled a few years ago. If it was up to me, I'd make them both Olympic sports, but for some reason I wasn't invited onto the Olympic Comittee this time round.

Wargames

What's really surprising is that one of the most dangerous games of all is still allowed. I'm talking of course about football (sorry, soccer in US English). Players and spectators are killed and injured every year, yet no-one whinges about health and saftey. Football is such a pointless game (often literally "nil-nil") that the "spectators" spend more time fighting each other than watching it. They could do this much more easily if the pitch and players were removed. Again, no-one thought to ask me.

Live a Little

Anyway, I think that after a quarter of a century's absence from the scene, it might be time for me to take up conkers again. After all, there isn't nearly enough danger and excitement in my life.