The Laughing Policemen

Someone's actually taken some of Bee's advice. The Thai police, in fact. News obviously travels fast. They've started sending coppers to laughter classes. They start by learning how to go "ha ha ha" (sounded phony to me), and then to make their fingers laugh, and then their hearts.

I've said this before, but laughter is seriously bad for you. People have died laughing. The most bizarre incidence of this was someone who died laughing at a Goodies sketch involving a Scotsman fighting a haggis with bagpipes. His widow wrote a thankyou letter to the Goodies thanking them for making his last moments so enjoyable.

The funniest laughing death has to be of the ancient Greek prophet Calchas, who predicted the date of his own death, then when the day came and he hadn't died, he laughed so hard that he, erm, died.

It would certainly be a good thing if traffic police everywhere were taught to laugh. The rest of us would of course want training in the art of telling jokes. Some lucky people, such as Jean Knee, are able to sweet-talk their way out of criminal charges, but imagine if you could make them double over laughing for long enough so that they forget why they stopped you, or long enough for you to make a fast getaway,

I can't tell jokes, so I'd certainly need the training, but for those of you who already have the gift of the gab, here are some which will have them in stitches, or scare them into letting you go:

• You can't pin this on me, I wasn't even there.

• I didn't realise I was pedalling that fast.

• I'm rushing to the hospital - I've got Scarlet Fever.

• I demand a recount.

• Men in uniform turn me on - this one works particularly well if you're male - women may find that the cop arrests them so he can spend more time examining their particulars, at least that's what I'd do.
  

Personally, though, I find that the best method is not to speed in the first place. I know, it's selfish of me, since it will deprive someone of a good laugh.