Flowers

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

[Wordsworth]

Yuck! That's my reaction to the above poetry. I've never really seen the point in flowers. But when you come to think of it they really can be useful. Here is a Man's Guide to Flowers.

Chicks

The best thing about flowers is that for a few Pounds you can buy a bunch in the supermarket whilst you're stocking up on booze, and the woman in your life will go all gooey and think you're absolutely wonderful. Yes, chicks love them, and really show their gullible side. You can get away with almost anything as long as you follow it up with flowers.

Cats and Dogs

Supposing that you're seeing someone who's absolutely fantastic, but has got a psychopathic cat or dog? Nature has again provided us with the answer. Just make sure you get her lillies (for cats), or crocuses (for dogs), as these are poisonous to those animals. Once Kitty or Fido have mysteriously left for the great animal farm in the sky, you can festoon her with even more flowers to show what a great caring guy you are.

Chickens and Eggs

Something I hadn't realised is that they feed marigolds to chickens to make the egg yolks more yellow. Omelettes just wouldn't be the same if they were white, so hooray for marigolds!

Vegetables

It also never occurred to me before, but broccolli is a flower. Eating lots of it not only gives you nutrients and stuff like that, but it reduces the risk of prostate cancer as well. Cauliflower (the clue's in the name) is another usefully edible flower.

Dessert

Without them, there would be no honey.

Friends

So, flowers really do make the world a better place. But they have their downsides - For example, they've inspired some pretty nauseating poetry...