It Couldn't Be... ME!

Every week, millions of Brits pay their Pound ($2) for a lottery ticket, with the dream of becoming a millionaire. Of course, it is just a dream. The chance of winning the jackpot is around one in 14 million. Given that you'll win something like £7.5 million, you get a rubbish return on your money, and would be far better off putting it on the horses, or better still playing Blackjack.

As you might be guessing, I don't participate in this folly. There's another very good reason. The prize money just isn't high enough. A one off payment of $15 million just won't get me that luxury lifestyle.

My Shopping List:

• House: $140 million Bran Castle, otherwise known as Castle Dracula, might be on sale soon - subject to legal wrangling in the Romanian courts. Obviously the only place to live!


• Yacht: $130 million All right, you can slum it and get one for about $10 million or so, but we need to keep up with the Abramoviches.
  


• Jet: $10 million LearJet 45 - an affordable way to travel (according to the advertising literature)


• Swimming Pool: $1 million For a proper inlaid tiled Olympic-sized pool (landscaping extra). Not that I'm into swimming, but all the women who'll be surrounding me need an excuse to go around in bikinis.


• Horse: $500,000 For some kind of thoroughbred - Actually, this is an optional extra, but if you really do win $300 million on the horses, you might feel it's only right to give something back...
  


• Rolls Royce Seraph: $230,000 Not the most expensive, but possibly the most comfortable.

And of course, I'll need to keep the LearJet and the Rolls in petrol, and employ people. So I'll need several millions a year. I'm not going to see any change from $300 million. It hardly seems worth mentioning the hand-made John Lobb Black calfskin wingtip shoes for $2,692 - we're down to small change now.

Once I'm this rich, I'll also think nothing of buying a decent Malt to drink. The Macallan Fine and Rare 1926 only costs $38,000 a bottle. I'll buy one for each person who comments on this post*

So the lottery's no good. You're better off robbing a bank, and taking the chance on getting caught. Let's face it, most of the other people in the world with this much money have got it by robbery of one sort or another, even if was strictly-speaking legal.

Finally, you might be wondering about the cat. It's an advert for the Japanese lottery. It Could be Mew...

*Subject to me getting my hands on at least $300 million. Terms and conditions apply. Subject to availability. Your bottle may get lost in the post. What do mean, what Terms and Condidions? Obviously ones that will mean that although I'll buy your bottle of whisky, I get to drink it. What are you doing reading the small print anyway? You're not supposed to, you know... That's why it's so small. I'd have made it smaller, but the Blogging Gods wouldn't let me.