Organ Makers

Tom Lehrer, mathematician, US cultural icon and the self-proclaimed "Dean of American Composers" did some research in the 50s into Dr Samuel Gall, whose varied achievements in the field of medicine include the invention of the Gall Bladder.

More recently, an Australian performer has had a third ear attached to his arm, presumably in a bid to become an Antipodean Davy Crocket (the man with the wild front ear).

Unfortunately, this ear does not function, but no doubt this problem will soon be overcome by those clever medical folk. When it is, he'll want a fourth ear for Quadrophonic, as well as one at the back for that authentic surround sound experience.

Of course, there are those who are worried about the ethics of organ making. And they do have a point. One can imagine voyeurs getting eyes on their fingers, or drug addicts visiting seedy backstreet clinics to get noses sewn onto their hands (far more convenient). But these disadvantages will no doubt be outweighed by the great benefits.

I hope that they invent the replacement liver before I've completely pickled mine, and talking of ears, I'd love them to fit me a volume control - I'll even pay the extra for a mute button. How many times have you wanted one of those?

And what about a brain for Britney Spears? Unfortunately, even modern medicine has its limits.